When my daughter Lily was seven, a simple outing to a concert with my friend Jamie and her daughter Mia turned into an emotional crisis. While Mia, who was a full head taller, had recently transitioned from a booster seat, Lily was still using hers. This seemingly minor detail escalated quickly from a question about booster seats to Lily’s full-blown tears and an anguished proclamation: “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE THE SHORTEST PERSON IN THE CAR!!!” It was as if the world had come to an end.
Children often experience dramatic emotional upheavals, and I’m not referring to typical toddler meltdowns. I’m talking about those episodes in older children when their reactions seem disproportionate to the situation. Whether they’ve misplaced a treasured toy or discovered that their favorite cereal has run out, these moments can feel like the universe is collapsing around them. Parents of older kids might find themselves dealing with these emotional outbursts, which can mirror toddler tantrums.
Fortunately, as children grow, many of these outbursts occur privately, leading parents to believe their children are the only ones grappling with such overwhelming emotions. However, discussions with fellow parents reveal that even the most well-adjusted children can have their moments of turmoil over seemingly trivial matters.
Over time, I’ve explored various strategies for managing these mini-crises. While showing compassion can be beneficial, it often fails to soothe intense emotions. A logical approach may sometimes work, but given the irrational nature of these reactions, logic often falls flat. Punishment seems inappropriate when dealing with a child’s emotional distress.
The core issue isn’t the expression of upset—it’s the intensity of their reaction. To help our kids better understand the appropriateness of their responses, we developed an Emotional Response Scale. This scale ranges from minor disappointments—like finding out their bananas have been cut into pieces rather than sliced—to significant life events that warrant deep sadness.
With input from the children, we created examples for each level of the scale. Here’s a brief overview:
- Someone cuts your bananas into pieces instead of slices.
- You discover there’s no more macaroni for dinner.
- Your favorite shirt is missing.
- You can’t find a beloved toy.
- A cherished blanket is torn.
- You stub your toe.
- You have a bicycle accident.
- You crash your bike and sustain a fracture.
- You experience the loss of a pet.
- A natural disaster devastates your home, resulting in the loss of family members.
While this list may not be perfect, it provides a useful framework. The most severe examples may be too intense for some children to fully grasp, but they serve to illustrate the extremes of emotional reactions. For instance, if a child is crying over missing macaroni, they can be reminded, “You’re reacting as if this is a 9 when it’s really more like a 2 on the Emotional Response Scale.” This acknowledgment often helps them recalibrate their feelings.
Feel free to try this technique with your own children; it might just preserve your sanity. For more resources on home insemination, you can check out this blog post. Additionally, Make a Mom offers essential information on self-insemination, while Johns Hopkins Medicine is a valuable resource for understanding pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, applying an Emotional Response Scale can help children better manage their feelings, fostering emotional intelligence and resilience while also easing parental stress.