Stay-at-home dads often encounter a range of unusual and sometimes insensitive remarks. This phenomenon arises from a lingering perception that they are a relatively new idea in parenting. Despite the growing number of fathers opting for full-time childcare roles, societal expectations about gender roles still create confusion. While some individuals, particularly women, commend our efforts, many others question our choices. To assist fellow dads, here are eight comments to avoid when addressing a stay-at-home father:
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“Is your partner the one in charge?”
Choosing to stay at home doesn’t imply that I relinquish authority in my relationship. My partner and I share the responsibilities equally. In reality, I often find myself in comfy attire at home, with my toddler and I enjoying our free time together. If others want to assume that my partner is the one in control, I am perfectly fine with that; she does own more than a few pairs of pants. -
“Did you get laid off?”
Assuming that my decision to stay at home stems from job loss reflects a narrow view of fatherhood. If you struggle to envision a man willingly choosing to care for his children, consider expanding your understanding. A father’s worth is not dictated by his employment status; stay-at-home dads are just as valid and capable. -
“Are you making a statement about gender roles?”
No, I’m simply doing what works best for my family. While my partner excels as a mother, my temperament aligns more closely with the demands of full-time parenting. The daily challenges of being a stay-at-home dad are not a quest for recognition but rather a choice that fits our circumstances well. -
“When will you find a proper job?”
Have you ever spent an entire day with a toddler? If not, you might not grasp the sheer exhaustion that comes with it. Managing young children is a significant commitment that offers no salary or conventional benefits, and skipping naps can turn a good day into chaos. -
“Isn’t it uncomfortable for you to let your partner bring in the income?”
This perspective is outdated. If you feel uneasy about a woman being the primary earner, that’s your issue to address. True masculinity lies in prioritizing what is best for the family, not in adhering to outdated gender norms. -
“Are you babysitting?”
That question is frustrating. You wouldn’t ask a woman in my position the same thing. I am actively parenting my child—an essential duty for all fathers, regardless of their work status. Babysitting is typically associated with teenagers looking to earn extra money, and that is not my role. -
“Are you like Mr. Mom?”
No, I am not Mr. Mom. That phrase might have been clever two decades ago, but it’s no longer relevant. I am a father who actively chooses to care for my children without the need to redefine my identity. -
“You must have a lot of leisure time, right?”
While I do manage to squeeze in an hour of TV with my toddler, the programming often consists of educational shows, not adult dramas. The first year was especially challenging, with my only downtime occurring during naps, when I needed to recharge.
Next time someone questions my choice to be a stay-at-home dad, I’ll adopt a friend’s humorous response: “I retired at 35 after striking it rich!”
For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out our related posts, including this one on the topic of artificial insemination kits from Make a Mom, and for an excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination, see Genetics and IVF Institute.
Summary:
Stay-at-home dads face a unique set of comments that often reflect outdated perceptions of gender roles. It’s essential to recognize that their decision to care for children full-time is valid and empowering. The remarks listed above can undermine their role and should be avoided in conversations.