As a parent, witnessing your child navigate various activities can be a journey filled with pride and concern. My daughter, Emma, has experimented with numerous sports—from the common choices like soccer and swimming to less conventional ones such as ice skating and tae kwon do. While she showed decent skills across these activities, none sparked genuine enthusiasm within her.
Initially, each new sport brought excitement, but as time passed, getting her to practices became increasingly challenging. I often wrestled with the idea of allowing her to quit—wasn’t resilience important? However, I eventually came to terms with the reality that investing time and resources into something that didn’t bring her joy wasn’t worth it. I, too, had my own history of quitting: dance, gymnastics, and more. Like Emma, I found solace in academics over athletics, and I turned out (mostly) fine.
Despite my past, I wanted my children to appreciate physical activity. Thus, I kept introducing new options to Emma, hoping one would resonate with her. Then, about a year and a half ago, we discovered a true passion: tennis. Inspired by her interest, I decided to join her in learning the sport.
Emma quickly advanced through recreational classes and was invited to join a high-performance program. I took private lessons and even became an alternate on the club’s doubles team. We invested in a ball caddy filled with dozens of pink tennis balls, spending afternoons practicing serves on our neighborhood court. A local pro tournament brought her sheer joy as she watched top female players compete just a few feet away.
As Emma improved, her coach praised her rapid growth. I attempted to encourage her to participate in local tournaments, but she consistently declined. When the opportunity for our YMCA’s tennis team arose, she reluctantly agreed to join, yet dreaded the practices and resisted the idea of challenging other players for a higher ranking.
One day, her father asked me if Emma truly enjoyed tennis. While she often assured me that she did, her body language told a different story. I inquired about her interest in playing competitively, and her hesitant “maybe” raised my concerns. Soon after, she began experiencing stomachaches before lessons.
In an effort to understand her feelings, I suggested reducing her involvement in the high-performance program to just one lesson a week for the summer. While she agreed, her disappointment was palpable, and the stomachaches persisted, mysteriously disappearing shortly after practice ended.
Caught between wanting her to excel at something and the reality of the expenses and time commitments involved, I felt lost. My son was thriving as a competitive gymnast, and I wanted Emma to have her own avenue for success. I cherished the shared interest in tennis, but I also recognized her growing discomfort.
With the deadline for the fall session approaching, I broached the subject again. When I asked her why she wanted to continue with tennis, she broke down and confessed that she wanted to quit. She felt guilty about the money I had spent and worried that quitting would render it all a waste.
While I tried to avoid calculating the costs of lessons and equipment, I understood her perspective. I gently introduced her to the concept of “sunk costs,” explaining that we shouldn’t continue investing in something she didn’t love just because of our prior commitments. I encouraged her honesty, assuring her that I was proud of her for expressing her true feelings.
That evening, we made the decision to step back from tennis. I felt a mix of relief and surprise at her choice, framing it as a break rather than a definitive end. If she chooses to return to tennis in the future, I’ll support her; if not, that’s perfectly fine. I prefer her to engage in activities that truly inspire her.
Determining when to encourage perseverance versus when to embrace quitting remains a challenge for me. The belief that one should always persist led me to stay in unhealthy situations, and I want to prevent that for my daughter. Yet, I also recognize that challenges are part of personal growth. As I reflect on the quote by Vince Lombardi, “winners never quit and quitters never win,” I’m reminded that it’s essential to find balance.
Emma does not shy away from everything—she is a talented musician, adept at three instruments, and diligently manages her studies and artistic pursuits. So, she may not be a tennis player, and that’s completely acceptable. I have maintained that she engage in some form of physical activity, and she has opted to explore fencing next.
If anyone is interested in trading a tennis racquet for an épée, let me know!
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In summary, allowing our children the freedom to pursue their interests—or to step away when needed—can lead to healthier, more fulfilling experiences. As parents, we must navigate the delicate balance between encouraging perseverance and respecting their choices.