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It’s Not a Flawless Union, It’s a Partnership That Functions by Mia Thompson
Updated: March 9, 2021
Originally Published: September 19, 2015
Recently, my friend and I were discussing our children and partners, and she expressed a desire for her marriage to be as idyllic as mine. I was surprised because, while my marriage has its strengths, perfection is certainly not one of them! If she had witnessed my husband and I in the early days of our union, she would have thought otherwise.
In our first year together, past relationship baggage and my lofty expectations about what marriage should be often left us questioning if we had made the right choice. As a child, I observed my mother anxiously waiting for my stepfather to return home. I could sense when tension was building; as dinner approached and he was late, my mom would become frantic, directing us to complete chores as the atmosphere thickened with unease. We felt as though we were walking on eggshells, anticipating the chaos that would erupt upon his arrival.
This pattern of dysfunction persisted for over two decades. My mother claimed she endured it for our sake, but my siblings and I would have unanimously preferred anything other than the constant fighting we witnessed. Growing up in such an environment instilled in me deep-seated trust issues and skepticism towards relationships. Yet, I felt an emptiness that I believed could only be filled by finding a partner. I embarked on a journey to discover my Prince Charming, hoping he would restore my faith in happily-ever-afters.
After years of searching and kissing many frogs, I finally got engaged to my prince. I was elated, planning a picturesque garden wedding complete with a carefully curated playlist. Every detail was meticulously arranged, and the day unfolded even better than I had envisioned. I believed I was on the path to healing the wounds from my childhood.
However, I was unprepared for the effort and compromise that marriage demands. Disagreements surfaced immediately: Why do you hog the blankets? Did you consider that I was cold when you turned down the heat? Why am I always the one cooking dinner? I found myself questioning our connection. Our first year became a cycle of fighting and reconciling, with arguments becoming more frequent than our make-ups. I was not ready for the realities of married life. While I could manage the fairytale wedding, the day-to-day of marriage was overwhelming. The concept of compromise felt foreign, and I found myself growing resentful as my expectations crumbled.
There were days when I couldn’t stand the sight of my husband. His eating habits annoyed me, his laughter grated on my nerves, and I often contemplated smothering him with a pillow to silence his snores! I resented him for not delivering the fairy tale I had envisioned. Our inability to communicate our frustrations left us both feeling disappointed.
I was too intimidated to express my fears about becoming like my stepdad or not being able to uphold my marital vows. I worried about the pressures of marriage and parenthood. It seemed easier to push him away rather than confront my anxieties—or worse, risk him leaving me first.
I nearly allowed my fears and unrealistic expectations to jeopardize my marriage. I sought my husband to fill the void left by my upbringing, arriving at our wedding broken and expecting his love to mend me. When that didn’t happen, it was easy to blame him, viewing him as yet another disappointment.
This was not the romantic narrative I had anticipated! It didn’t take long for our struggles to affect our five-year-old son. When he expressed concern that we might divorce, I realized I was repeating the cycle of dysfunction I had grown up with, risking my child’s emotional well-being in the process.
That realization was a critical wake-up call. I wanted my son to have a healthy perspective on relationships, something I had lacked. It was imperative that he observed a nurturing partnership to help him develop realistic expectations for marriage.
Now, as we approach our sixth wedding anniversary, my marriage remains far from perfect. I still grapple with insecurities about being a good wife, and we continue to bicker, especially about his snoring. However, we have found a rhythm that works for us, embracing our imperfections instead of striving for an unattainable ideal. What truly matters is our mutual commitment to each other’s happiness.
So no, our marriage isn’t perfect—but it’s a partnership that functions.
If you found this article relatable, consider exploring more about the journey of home insemination, including resources on pregnancy and relationships. For additional insights, you can check out this resource about insemination methods and this excellent guide on IUI success rates. Also, Make A Mom provides authoritative information on couples’ fertility journeys.
In conclusion, the journey of marriage is not devoid of challenges, but it is the strength of the partnership that enables a relationship to thrive despite imperfections.