As I navigate the journey of motherhood, I’ve come to accept that I will never fit the mold of a “cool mom,” and I am completely at peace with this realization.
Reflect for a moment on your own teenage years. Think back to a time when your mother did something so typically maternal that it mortified you. You likely vowed to yourself, “When I become a parent, I’ll never do that!” We’ve all been there, and eventually, we find ourselves in similar situations.
I have no desire to be my daughter’s “bestie.” This is not an aspiration of mine, and I feel strongly about it. When I was growing up, my mom wasn’t my best friend; she was my parent. I didn’t rush home to share details of my first kiss at age 15, which I’m sure she appreciated. What mother wants to hear about their teenage daughter’s romantic exploits? I can’t imagine responding calmly to such news; I would likely react with, “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? DON’T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!”
As a late bloomer, I was probably among the last in my friend group to experience my first kiss. But now, looking at my own daughter, 15 seems alarmingly young. Friends who work in education tell me that by sixth grade, some children are engaging in behaviors that no parent wants to contemplate. This reality makes me uneasy.
The thought of a 12-year-old boy approaching my daughter makes my skin crawl. “Berkley, want to come over and ride bikes?” I can see myself responding with, “BACK OFF, JIMMY! Or you may find yourself in serious trouble.”
I didn’t even know what many of today’s issues were at that age. Children today face an overwhelming amount of inappropriate content far too early, and it’s concerning. This is why I cannot claim to be a “cool mom” like Amy Poehler’s character in Mean Girls.
I cannot overlook inappropriate behavior. If I find a questionable text in my daughter’s phone, you better believe I’ll be reading through her messages regularly. I will not allow her to spend time in her room with her boyfriend if the door is closed. I will never condone underage drinking in our home under the guise of safety. And there’s no way I’ll let my daughter sleep over at her boyfriend’s house, no matter how exemplary he may seem.
Does this make me a “Hover Mom”? According to Urban Dictionary, a Hover Mom is overly cautious, believing her child is in constant danger. While I don’t think my children are at risk every moment, I do feel it’s my duty to be vigilant. If that makes me a “Hover Mom,” then so be it; I embrace that role.
There is a delicate balance to strike when it comes to parenting. I am not advocating for complete invasion of privacy, nor do I intend to raise my children without trust. They will need to learn from their mistakes, and I want them to be equipped to face the consequences of their decisions. My aim is not for my daughter to resent me but to foster a relationship built on love and respect, guiding her through challenging times.
In time, I hope to develop a close friendship with her, much like the one I now share with my own mother. This transition occurred after I married, and though my mom will always be my mother, she is also one of my best friends. That kind of relationship is invaluable.
But for now, while my daughter remains young and unexposed to life’s harsher realities, I am not her best friend. I am her mother.
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In summary, while I may not aspire to be my daughter’s best friend right now, I am committed to being a loving and protective mother, guiding her through her formative years.