The morning routine began like any other. My little boy, still in his superhero pajamas, stumbled out of bed, bleary-eyed and full of energy. “Breakfast!” he announced, his voice brightening the room as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, gazing up at the microwave with a mop of tousled blonde curls. I cradled his baby sister while I jotted down our plans for the day, feeling the familiar pull of the never-ending to-do list.
My partner rushed through the kitchen in search of his elusive briefcase, which seemed to vanish every morning around 8. After a flurry of kisses and quick goodbyes, he was off to the adult world, leaving me and our pajama-clad crew behind, waving at his departure.
A close-up might have painted a picture of domestic bliss reminiscent of the 1950s—except for the microwave meals, of course. But zooming out revealed the true scene: a woman grappling with the chaos of motherhood, struggling to keep up. Dirty dishes piled high in the sink, and laundry threatened to topple over like a small mountain.
Choosing to be a stay-at-home mom was not part of my original plan, but life has a way of throwing curveballs. I stepped away from my career, feeling a twinge of guilt and inadequacy. I loved being “Mommy,” yet I found myself dreaming of the professional life I left behind.
My greatest fear? That my children would view my role as a negative example. How could I instill in my daughters the importance of education and career aspirations when their primary role model was domestic, driving carpools and folding laundry? And what about my son—how would he learn about respect and equality if he saw me solely as an assistant to the family?
After finishing his oatmeal, my son tossed his bowl into the sink. He quickly changed out of his superhero pajamas into a dinosaur T-shirt and shorts, and we hopped into the car, where I turned on their favorite tunes. Off we went to the play gym, and as I drove, I observed the other drivers on the road. Most were moms, like me, and I couldn’t help but wonder if they were engaged in something more meaningful. Perhaps the woman in the blue car was running a successful business from home, or the one in the SUV was headed to an important meeting. My mind spiraled into a labyrinth of “what ifs.”
As we entered the play gym, my son charged ahead, bubbling with excitement. “Where’s Connor?” he asked. “He’s not here today; his mom is at work,” I replied. His puzzled expression hit me like a punch to the gut. “Mommies don’t work. Daddies go to work, and mommies stay home and cook breakfast.” I felt my stomach churn, overwhelmed by a wave of inadequacy. I realized I was teaching him that women had lesser roles in society. The pressure to redefine this narrative weighed heavily on me.
Determined to show my children the value of my work, I took on freelance projects, explaining their significance while I typed away. I tried to impress upon them that I worked just like Daddy did. Yet, their young minds seemed indifferent to my efforts. I often felt like a hypocrite, preaching the importance of women’s careers while I was busy baking cookies. The mantra of “do as I say, not as I do” became a familiar refrain.
Years passed since that fateful day at the play gym. My once infant and sleepy toddler transformed into a teenager, a tween, and a budding young adult. While they often ignored my words, little signs indicated that my messages were sinking in.
When Career Day arrived, I anticipated my daughter would want to dress as a princess, as she had in years past. To my delight, she instead requested a set of doctor’s scrubs to emulate a surgeon. Then came the most reassuring moment from my son, who, now a teenager, interrupted one of my passionate lectures about women’s empowerment with a hint of exasperation. “I get it, Mom. You could work anywhere you want to. We know.”
That was the turning point for me. I no longer felt the need to panic about my domestic role influencing their views on gender. Perhaps my attempts to impart lessons on self-worth were indeed taking root. Or maybe, just maybe, I needed to recognize my own value outside of societal expectations.
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In summary, I learned that my worth as a stay-at-home mom is not defined by traditional roles but by the love and lessons I impart to my children. They are absorbing the values I uphold, and I no longer need to worry about how they perceive me.
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