Updated: Sep. 5, 2023
Originally Published: Sep. 5, 2023
In my twenties, I was all about living life to the fullest. I could have easily competed with anyone in the realm of nightlife escapades. There were few boundaries during those years; it was all about enjoyment, with the understanding that one day, I would need to settle down.
Now, as I enter my thirties, my daily life revolves around the care and nurturing of two young children. Is this the phase when settling down is truly meant to happen?
For the most part, I find joy in the slower pace of life that resembles something out of Little House on the Prairie. Yet, occasionally, that carefree spirit within me rises up, reminiscent of an uncomfortable heartburn, yearning for a taste of freedom. I try to suppress it, but there are moments when I long to ditch the ponytail and yoga pants, slip into some heels, and dance on tables at a bar with music blaring far too loud.
This alter ego is typically easy to keep at bay, as I know she isn’t welcome during morning coffees or playdates. However, I’ve come to realize that I am not alone in grappling with the desire to unleash my inner party girl.
Many moms share this unspoken longing. It’s a hidden truth that rarely surfaces unless prompted. But beware: opening this metaphorical Pandora’s box can lead to an overwhelming surge of pent-up energy that may be tough to control.
Imagine this scenario: the blue moon shines down, and your thirty-something self gets an opportunity to relive those wild party nights. After a few drinks, you may feel as if you’ve been catapulted back to 1999. (Yes, it really has been over two decades since then!)
Warning! You Are Not Your Former Self!
Your younger self would have stumbled off the dance floor in the early hours, seeking the greasiest food without a second thought, indulging in a hefty midnight snack without guilt. You’d return home, sleep off the night, and wake up whenever you felt like it, ready to do it all over again.
But how did we maintain such a lifestyle for so long?
The new you will likely experience the following: you will lose yourself dancing, moving with the grace of Shakira, only to find that your tolerance for alcohol has significantly decreased. You’ll have an exhilarating time since outings are rare, yet upon returning home, even in a wine-induced haze, you’ll recognize that late-night snacking is no longer ideal for the muffin-top you’re trying to manage.
As you kick off your heels, you’ll discover that your feet are sore, almost as if they’ve been subjected to ancient practices of foot binding. You’ll fall asleep, only to be abruptly awakened by tiny fingers poking your face, demanding cereal, and the sound of little feet bouncing on your bed. That’s all the rest you’ll get.
You’ll crawl out of bed, questioning if something died in your mouth overnight. Feeling decades older, you’ll wish to retreat back to bed, but responsibilities like toddler birthday parties, swimming lessons, or dance recitals will call you back to reality. You’ll promise yourself never to indulge in such escapades again, as you feel too mature for this kind of chaos.
Instead of recovering from a hangover in a few hours, you may find it challenging to return to normalcy for several days. At what point did we begin to experience two-day hangovers? Why is our body betraying us now? After everything we’ve been through together, how could it do this?
Aging can often feel like a cruel joke, especially when your mind briefly recalls the carefree exuberance of youth, only for your body to remind you that those days are behind you.
That chapter has closed. That party girl no longer resides here.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for a well-deserved nap.
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Summary
As we transition from our vibrant twenties into the responsibilities of parenthood in our thirties, it can be challenging to reconcile the desire for freedom and fun with our current life obligations. Many mothers share this internal struggle, and while we may occasionally indulge in nostalgic escapades, the realities of aging and responsibility remind us that those wild days are behind us.