Yesterday, I reached out to my 21-year-old daughter, Emily, who is spending her summer interning at her college—a position she diligently pursued. “I’m so thrilled for you!” I texted, an exclamation that can only be conveyed through the limited medium of text.
“Why?” she replied, prompting me to ponder that very question.
Why, indeed? I attempted to articulate my excitement to her. She stands on the brink of a thrilling chapter in her life. At 21, she is nearing the end of her college journey, with graduation just around the corner. She is actively planning her future, preparing for the GRE next week, contemplating graduate schools, and considering various cities and career paths.
From my vantage point as a 47-year-old navigating a semi-empty nest in the suburbs, it all appears incredibly exciting. Yet, I wonder if she feels the same way. For her, it might seem daunting—perhaps overwhelmingly so. I believe we often fail to grasp the significance of our 20s until we reach our 40s. During my own 20s, life felt far less adventurous. I graduated college and quickly entered the workforce, where I secured a job in my field, but despised it. Within a year, I left that position and soon met my husband, marking the beginning of a whirlwind of life changes.
In my 20s, I became a mother to two children, purchased a house and a minivan, and transitioned from full-time employee to full-time homemaker. This decade was undeniably transformative, yet I didn’t fully appreciate the magnitude of those changes at the time. I desire for Emily to recognize the unique opportunities before her. She is poised at a crucial juncture—one she has crafted herself—capable of leading her in countless directions. She can travel, pursue graduate education, or start a career in any city she dreams of.
However, she will also encounter challenges. The financial support from her parents will dwindle, and she will no longer enjoy the safety net of college life. The job market is competitive, and she may face rejection despite her qualifications. Long work weeks and office politics will be part of her reality. The weight of repaying student loans will become tangible, and she might need to hold onto her aging car longer than expected. Relationships may flourish and falter, further complicating her path as her peers find their partners while she navigates singlehood. The responsibilities of homeownership may surprise her, as unexpected repairs arise at the most inconvenient times.
Yet, amid these trials, I want Emily to embrace the extraordinary moments that lie ahead—the prospect of graduate school, the excitement of a new city, and the possibility of lasting love. The journey toward independence will be filled with challenges, but also with the joy of making her own choices, building lasting friendships, and savoring the simple pleasures—a delightful brunch here, an engaging movie there, or the praise from a boss that could lead to promotions.
Looking back, I often wonder why I didn’t realize the power of my 20s; how each decision intertwined with another, shaping my future. The choices I made then—the partner I chose, the home we bought, the children we raised—continue to resonate throughout my life. I urge my daughter to fully embrace her 20s. Don’t shy away from the unknown; instead, be aware of it and enjoy the journey.
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In summary, as Emily embarks on her 20s, she should cherish the incredible opportunities ahead while being prepared for the inevitable challenges. This decade will shape her future in ways she might not yet comprehend.