It was supposed to be the ideal moment. I had rehearsed every word the night before, or rather, in the early hours of the morning. At 2:19 a.m., I envisioned the perfect speech for when we dropped our oldest child off at college.
I imagined standing before him, arms open wide, akin to a nurturing figure. I would gently pull him in close, smoothing back his hair while his trusting gaze met mine. With a serene smile, I would say, “My dear son, we are so proud of you. You will excel this year, and we love you dearly!”
Then, we would share a brief but heartfelt hug, one that would linger just enough to create a lasting memory. Whispering “Goodbye, my son!” I would turn away, resolute and composed, striding confidently to our minivan. That would be the end of it—a dignified farewell.
However, the reality of Wednesday’s college drop-off unfolded quite differently. As our son escorted us to the car, I recognized it was time to say goodbye. My intention was to convey a calm reassurance filled with our love and wisdom, but what came out instead was a barrage of unsolicited advice: “Use single-ply toilet paper; double-ply clogs. Remember to sleep to avoid feeling down. Always smile back at others to show happiness. Don’t place drinking cups mouth-side down on surfaces—it harbors germs. Wash your hands; many people neglect this after using the restroom.”
He attempted to step away for a breath of fresh air, yet I tightened my grip around him. Did that deter my verbal outpouring? Absolutely not. I began issuing instructions as if I were repeating the same sentiments I had shared nearly two decades ago when we first left him with a babysitter.
“Don’t lend money. Always look over your shoulder when walking home alone at night, and avoid using earbuds to stay alert. Prioritize protein intake to maintain your mood. Shower regularly—it’s transformative. A new shirt can lift your spirits, so let me know if you need more. Good posture and a fresh haircut can make a significant difference.”
In an emotional moment reminiscent of when he clung to me as a baby, I was unable to contain my advice any longer. My voice muffled against his chest, I continued, “Read labels to know what you consume. In your white storage bin, there are three bottles of vitamins and calcium; make sure to take them. Change your toothbrush regularly. Stay hydrated. Keep a hat handy—earmuffs won’t suffice—and an umbrella, as Wisconsin’s weather can be unpredictable. Remember to move for five minutes after every hour of sitting. If you think you need medical assistance, don’t hesitate—just go.”
I fought back tears that threatened to spill. I was on a mission, driven by the need to ensure he understood all the things I had shared, as if I had only five minutes to convey a lifetime of wisdom.
Then came the moment of truth—the final goodbye. I squared my shoulders, prepared to deliver my heartfelt message, but instead, the words caught in my throat. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with emotion. Streams of tears flowed as I lunged for my son, soaking his shirt while I clung to him like a lifeline. I tried to articulate my thoughts, but my voice betrayed me.
“Mom,” he asked, confusion etched on his face. “Why are you crying?”
His simple question struck a chord. I squeezed my eyes shut and buried my face in his shoulder, pulling him closer, wishing to convey that I needed him to heed all my frantic advice. I won’t be there to ensure his safety; he must take responsibility for his own well-being now.
This beautiful young man, the one we hold in such high regard, is embarking on a significant journey, and we love him endlessly. If only there were a translator that could interpret my frantic advice into a simple message of love, it would say, “Your mother cares for you deeply, even when she can’t articulate it well.”
Conclusion
In conclusion, this emotional experience encapsulates the complexities of parental love and the challenges of letting go. For those navigating similar situations, resources like this blog can provide support and guidance, while this site offers valuable insights into your own journey. Additionally, this blog serves as an excellent resource for all things related to pregnancy and home insemination.