Parenting is an unpredictable journey, akin to navigating a post-apocalyptic world. While you can never be fully prepared for the chaos that ensues, it would have been beneficial if someone had shared these five crucial truths about having children.
1. The Reality of Diaper Changes
It’s astonishing how nobody mentions that a newborn can seem like a malfunctioning soft-serve ice cream machine, producing runny, mustard-like messes every few minutes. Be prepared for the occasional explosive incident that leaves you questioning your life choices.
2. The Croup Cry
What on earth is that sound? At some point during your child’s infancy, you will be jolted awake by a noise that strikes sheer terror into your heart. You may think your child is on the brink of a medical emergency or perhaps possessed by a sea lion. The accompanying cough might be concerning, but it’s the bizarre sounds from such a tiny human that will truly leave you rattled.
3. Night Terrors
What just happened? If you encounter night terrors, brace yourself for an unpredictable experience. For toddlers under two, you might witness them suddenly sitting up and screaming in fear, reminiscent of a horror movie. If your child is older, they may express profound fears of dying or engage in nonsensical rants that feel like a bad trip. You may find them wandering outside, seemingly awake but actually sound asleep. Attempts to rouse them will be futile, leaving you questioning your parenting skills rather than their mental health. Thankfully, they will not remember this episode, but you might need some support to cope.
4. The Threenager and the Ferocious Fours
You’ve probably heard about the Terrible Twos, but no one warns you that ages three and four can be exponentially worse. The period between 18 and 36 months is a mere setup for your child to hone their skills in whining and defiance, often reducing you to a state of helplessness and desperation.
5. Bionic Hearing and Partner Deafness
You may find your hearing has become superhuman; the slightest rustle will send your heart racing. Meanwhile, your partner seems to possess a remarkable ability to sleep through anything, even a magnitude 9.7 earthquake. On a particularly sleepless night, you might wake multiple times, only to hear your partner casually remark that the baby slept soundly through the night. You will need to resist the urge to react violently, as you will soon require their assistance when the soft-serve machine is malfunctioning again.
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Summary
Parenthood brings unexpected challenges that are rarely discussed. From the unending diaper changes to the perplexing phenomena of night terrors and the sometimes overwhelming experiences of toddlerhood, the journey is filled with surprises. Developing heightened senses and dealing with a partner’s obliviousness during sleepless nights can add to the chaos. Understanding these realities can help new parents navigate the tumultuous yet rewarding path of raising children.