As a parent, I often find myself reflecting on the type of mother I am, and I must admit, I don’t fit the mold of the “perfect” mom. I’m not the one who spends endless hours on the floor, immersed in playtime with figurines or building expansive worlds in a digital realm. I have never engaged with the Pokémon universe and don’t foresee that changing. I recognize that this may be seen as a shortcoming in my parenting approach.
I do, however, cherish my partner, who thrives in entertaining our children with cartoons and video games. Watching him toss a football with the kids in the yard brings me joy (thank heavens for outdoor play!). Their laughter during wrestling matches and tickle fests fills our home with warmth, even if I’m not the one leading those activities.
I remember the early days of motherhood, filled with fear and determination as I prepared to welcome my children into the world. I was a single mother of two, working long hours yet still managing to create moments of joy, like spontaneous dance parties where our voices rang louder than the music. I was the one indulging in cherry cheesecake during pregnancy, eagerly anticipating the day I could watch you dance.
When I first held each of you, my heart expanded to embrace the love I felt. I recall the sleepless nights spent gazing at your tiny faces, the memories of you snuggled against me still vivid today. Even now, as I see you asleep, I envision those days of footie pajamas and wispy hair.
I was the mom who rocked you through the night, soothing your cries with gentle shushing. I worried over every scrape and bruise, and I was there for every hospital visit and bandage change. I was the mom who wrapped her leg around yours during preschool tours and went back to school myself to ensure I could be present for you.
I take pride in signing school notes, checking homework, and packing lunches. I’m the mom who schedules all the necessary appointments and sacrifices her wardrobe to ensure your needs are met, including sending you to school in clothes that are clearly top-tier.
I’m the mom who tells silly jokes, sings off-key, and embraces my inner goofball just to see you smile. Your laughter is irreplaceable, and I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything in the world. I love you more than words can express, and I strive to show you that love daily.
Yet, too often, I grapple with feelings of inadequacy. I live with chronic depression, anxiety, and pain, battling daily to fulfill the responsibilities that help create a semblance of normalcy in your lives. I manage the laundry, pay the bills, and ensure you have the essentials, even when it feels like an uphill battle.
I forget little things, like video game achievements or the names of your favorite toys, but I can sense when something is wrong. I’m here to listen and support you, ready to confront any challenge that comes your way. However, I sometimes struggle to meet even the basic demands of daily life, leading to decisions like serving mac and cheese more often than I’d like.
I worry about you at night, wishing I could capture every hug and “I love you” for the days when they’re fewer and far between. You are my lifeline, and I am committed to being the best parent I can be, even if that doesn’t always look like what society expects.
For those exploring similar parenting paths, you may find valuable insights on topics like pregnancy and home insemination at WomensHealth.gov. Additionally, if you’re looking to expand your family, consider checking out Make a Mom for resources on your fertility journey. For more information, you can also read about our approach to home insemination at this blog post.
In summary, while I may not embody the ideal image of motherhood, my love for you is profound. I strive tirelessly to provide you with a nurturing environment, recognizing my limitations while also celebrating the unique bond we share.