As of yesterday, I have celebrated 16 years of marriage with my partner, Cheddar (a playful nickname that suits him well). We are genuinely happy together. Marriage can undoubtedly pose challenges, and common marital issues are frequent. Hence, I believe sharing insights into what a thriving partnership looks like—particularly what we consciously avoid—can be beneficial.
Over the years, I have observed numerous relationships, noting behaviors that tend to create or intensify problems. Here are 16 practices that my partner and I steer clear of, which may contribute to our ongoing happiness together.
- Avoid Blame: When life gets tough—be it household chores, children’s behavior, or finances—it’s tempting to point fingers. Instead, we consider ourselves partners and address issues collaboratively. Blame only widens the gaps; it doesn’t resolve anything.
- Refrain from Mind Games: We prioritize clear communication and speak our minds without manipulation or silent treatment. I’ve seen couples engage in exhausting mind games, but we prefer straightforwardness, delivered with kindness.
- Don’t Read Between the Lines: Since we communicate openly, we never have to second-guess each other’s feelings. If something is unclear, we simply ask for clarification, eliminating unnecessary assumptions.
- Let Go of Grudges: Neither of us holds onto past grievances. When something irritates us, we discuss it openly and then move on, recognizing that grudges serve no purpose.
- Avoid Public Complaints: Venting about each other’s faults to friends can be detrimental. While seeking advice is fine, it should not come at the cost of our partner’s dignity.
- Selective Sharing: We are open, but we also recognize that not every thought needs to be shared. Discerning what to keep private can foster trust and respect in our relationship.
- Ditch Jealousy: We both appreciate others’ attractiveness without insecurity. Understanding and trusting one another is key; jealousy only arises from insecurity.
- Don’t Expect to Meet All Needs: While we fulfill many of each other’s needs, we acknowledge that we cannot be everything to one another. It’s healthy to seek fulfillment from friends or personal time.
- Prioritize Our Marriage: Life, especially with children, can shift focus away from our relationship. We strive to maintain our connection, even if it’s just a brief check-in during busy days.
- Balance Physical Intimacy: We understand the importance of intimacy, neither neglecting nor overemphasizing it, recognizing it as a vital aspect of our relationship.
- Respect Each Other’s Love Languages: Understanding how we express and receive love is crucial. For example, my primary love language is Acts of Service, while Cheddar values Physical Touch. This knowledge helps us meet each other’s needs effectively.
- Never Take Each Other for Granted: Acknowledging each other’s efforts and contributions strengthens our bond. We make it a point to express gratitude regularly.
- Focus on Strengths, Not Faults: We both have imperfections, but we choose to concentrate on each other’s strengths and overlook minor flaws.
- Avoid Fighting: While we may disagree or bicker from time to time, we do not engage in fights characterized by yelling or name-calling. Our approach is rooted in mutual respect.
- Keep a Sense of Humor: Our ability to laugh together helps diffuse tension. We enjoy playful teasing and lightheartedness, understanding that life is too short to be serious all the time.
- Believe in Our Marriage: Although marriage can present challenges, we see it as a nurturing partnership. If we ever face prolonged difficulties, we would seek help together. Our commitment to navigating challenges is fundamental to our relationship.
While no relationship is flawless, ours is incredibly fulfilling. We look forward to many more years of happiness together.
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Summary
A happy marriage requires intentionality and avoiding certain behaviors. By focusing on open communication, appreciation, and mutual respect, partners can foster a loving and supportive relationship.