There’s nothing quite like finding yourself 3,000 miles away from home, overwhelmed and exhausted, while managing two exuberant children to truly question your parenting abilities. This has been my reality over the past week as I attempt to enjoy a “family vacation” in sunny California, reconnecting with friends and relatives. It took nearly a week for my toddler to acclimate to the new time zone, resulting in a series of emotional meltdowns each morning and evening. He frequently wonders when we will return home (trust me, I’m asking the same thing!). Meanwhile, my picky eight-year-old has subsisted solely on cereal and chips throughout our trip.
Each morning, our descent to the breakfast area is accompanied by bickering. They argue amongst themselves: “Stop touching me! Get off my chair! Quit saying my name!” They dispute with us: “But you promised we could have chocolate for breakfast!” They even argue about the food, with my eight-year-old insisting that California milk tastes vastly different from New York milk, while my toddler complains that the pancakes aren’t round enough.
Their volume is astounding. The incessant chatter fills the air with high-pitched squeals. While speaking, they climb on chairs, hide under tables, and construct elaborate kingdoms from their toast and waffles, even pouring salt on each other’s heads.
Eyes turn toward us. A fellow diner, overwhelmed by the chaos, casts a disapproving glance from her plate of neatly cut toast. One child has strawberry jam smeared across his face, while the other is more interested in his own attire than table manners. We try to shush them, and they somewhat comply, but the truth is, they are simply being themselves—wild and free.
In my earlier days of motherhood, such disapproving looks would have pierced me. I would have scrutinized my own capabilities as a parent, wrestling with self-doubt.
I would have thought:
- Why are my children the loudest in the room? Look at that family next to us, calmly enjoying breakfast, cutting their waffles into perfect squares. Even their baby seems to follow instructions without effort.
- Why don’t my children listen? They seem uninterested in the simplest rules.
- Other parents have a strategy—books on discipline, reward systems, and yes, stickers! I should try the sticker method.
These thoughts lingered during our vacation, especially in public spaces where my children’s behavior felt magnified. I often felt as though my parenting was under scrutiny—not just in the hotel dining area, but also while catching up with family and friends I hadn’t seen in years, whose opinions I hold dear.
Feeling vulnerable in these instances, especially when your children are acting out, is akin to being back in middle school. Your cheeks flush, your heart races, and frustration bubbles beneath the surface. It’s a feeling that makes you want to retreat, but there’s no escaping your role as a parent at that moment. You are present and responsible, with no option to pass the responsibility to someone else.
However, there is a crucial insight I have come to appreciate over the years: You are not alone.
And neither are you.
While it can be frustrating to hear that you’re not alone when things spiral out of control, there is a comforting truth: every parent struggles with feelings of inadequacy on a daily basis, especially when navigating unfamiliar environments.
So, to all the parents managing spirited, energetic children:
- Your kids are not the only ones who express their emotions loudly in public, even when you’ve ensured they’re well-rested and ready for the outing.
- Your children aren’t the only ones who disregard decorum and cleanliness.
- You’re not the only ones whose kids redefine “spirited”—whether it’s dancing on tables, singing at the top of their lungs, or demanding sweets at unholy hours.
- And you are certainly not alone in feeling lost in the chaos of parenting.
What the public witnesses is merely a snapshot of your life—a moment amplified by stress and noise. It is vital to understand that your children are simply being children. It is entirely normal for them to struggle with transitions, to bicker with siblings, and to test boundaries.
The most rambunctious kids often exhibit the greatest creativity and intelligence, surprising you with their accomplishments. They are the ones who craft elaborate dance routines at dawn or learn new skills in an astonishingly short time.
Your children excel at being themselves, and it’s perfectly acceptable to feel overwhelmed. You are not alone in these feelings of challenge and exhaustion. At the very moment you feel like you’re failing, someone else—perhaps even I—shares those same sentiments.
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In summary, parenting can be chaotic and overwhelming, especially when you’re in unfamiliar surroundings. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone in your struggles. Every parent faces challenges, and the wild, energetic behavior of children is a natural part of their development. Embrace the messiness and know that others are navigating similar waters.