A few weeks ago, I found myself recounting one of my daughter’s intense meltdowns to my therapist. As I shared the details, she kindly suggested, “Jenna, try to focus on compassion during these moments.” At that moment, I questioned her insight. My daughter has autism, and during certain meltdowns, it can feel impossible to muster any compassion when I’m at my wit’s end. These episodes aren’t mere tantrums; they are full-blown emotional crises that require me to maintain my composure to avoid losing control myself. After she has spent up to 30 minutes expressing her distress through screams, hits, and kicks, she needs my comfort. The only way I can manage these chaotic moments is by emotionally detaching myself from the situation, which ironically allows me to respond with kindness and care.
As time passed, I pondered my therapist’s advice. Was detaching myself during these meltdowns truly problematic? After the chaos subsides, should I redirect my focus toward compassion rather than letting my frustrations out? What does it even mean to embrace compassion when faced with intense emotional outbursts?
Important Realizations
Throughout this reflection, I arrived at a few important realizations:
- Therapists without parenting experience may lack the perspective necessary to give practical advice.
- Those without experience parenting children on the autism spectrum should tread carefully when discussing related parenting strategies.
- Sometimes, the concept of “focusing on compassion” simply doesn’t apply.
While the idea of maintaining compassion is appealing, it can be impractical in the heat of the moment when survival is the priority. Later on, it may be beneficial to reflect on compassion for my child’s experience, but it is equally crucial to acknowledge and process my own feelings during these challenging times. Ignoring my emotions and focusing solely on my child’s needs can be counterproductive. By recognizing my own frustration and grief, I can address those feelings and release them, ultimately leading to a healthier state of mind and a more effective parenting approach. The notion that we should only focus on compassion dismisses the reality of parental feelings, which is simply not fair.
I believe in compassion and strive to incorporate it into my parenting. Yet, I recognize that it is possible to act compassionately without always feeling it deeply. During those meltdowns, my compassionate response often involves grit and emotional detachment to navigate the storm. I show compassion when I welcome my daughter with open arms after her outburst has ended. Regardless of how drained or upset I may feel, my behavior is what truly matters, and that’s the lesson I hope to pass on to my children.
Additional Resources
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Conclusion
In summary, parenting an autistic child can provoke a whirlwind of emotions. It’s essential to find a balance between acknowledging your own feelings and responding with compassion, even when it feels challenging. Effective parenting often involves navigating these complex emotions to foster a nurturing environment.