When I discovered I was expecting a daughter, I made several commitments to myself. First, I aimed to curate her wardrobe with colors other than pink. I planned to fill her playroom with gender-neutral toys like building blocks and puzzles. I also resolved not to label her as “pretty,” as I wanted to ensure she understood her worth was not tied to her appearance. Above all, I vowed never to refer to her as a princess—an idea I found cringeworthy.
Yet here we are. I’ve since reneged on those promises, particularly the one about calling her a princess. The term has garnered negative connotations for many, often associated with entitlement, tantrums, or submissiveness. For some, it represents a contradiction to feminist ideals. Still, I call my daughter “princess” daily. What could be driving this contradiction?
Despite my intentions, external influences from toy makers, films, and peers have dismantled my careful efforts at socialization. My daughter has developed a genuine love for all things royal. For her, being a princess means donning fluffy dresses, frolicking with animals, and living in a castle—an enchanting fantasy that brings her immense joy. To her, being a princess signifies being special, much like hearing me say “I love you.”
Is It Unjust to Embrace This Identity?
Is it unjust to let her embrace this identity? Will it spoil her or lead her to feel superior? I argue it does not. We’re not raising her with arrogance or imposing patriarchal values; we’re engaging in imaginative play. In her eyes, she is the princess of our little family kingdom, and we even held a coronation ceremony to celebrate her royal status.
This fantasy isn’t a permanent fixture. I have confidence that one day, she will grasp the distinction between her whimsical idea of being a princess and the reality of adult responsibilities. If she were to show up at college wearing a tiara, who are we to judge her happiness?
At five years old, she may not yet understand the nuances of royalty versus reality, but I don’t feel the need to shatter her delightful illusions to uphold my beliefs. Recently, she expressed a desire to forgo a job to care for her future children herself. My son countered with encouragement to pursue education and independence. Her response was simple: “It’s my choice.” In that moment, she demonstrated a sense of agency that is very much aligned with feminist principles.
Expressions of Affection
We use a variety of nicknames to express our affection for her: sweetheart, munchkin, darling, and yes, princess. While “princess” may be among her favorites, we also prioritize instilling values of compassion, creativity, and intelligence—qualities that truly make her our princess.
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Conclusion
In summary, calling my daughter a princess is a reflection of love and imagination rather than a reinforcement of outdated ideals. It’s about fostering her self-worth and creativity, ensuring she grows up confident in her identity.