Updated: Aug. 5, 2016
Originally Published: Aug. 24, 2015
Children exhibit heightened enthusiasm when they see commercials for bizarre toys while watching their favorite shows. My kids erupt into a frenzy, demanding I come witness the latest ridiculous gadget, which prompts me to halt my activities and focus on the TV with them. After only a brief glimpse, they switch between pleading for me to purchase it—channeling their inner Oliver Twist—and presenting arguments on why this item is the pinnacle of innovation.
Our television has become a daily source of this chaos, but things escalated when they realized that Walmart has an entire section dedicated to these absurd products. So, when all I aim to buy is a laundry basket and some chicken, I am instead inundated with requests for items like SpongeBob Chia Pets. The “As Seen on TV” phenomenon is relentless.
Here are a few of my least favorite “As Seen on TV” products and the reasons I refuse to buy them.
Squishy Sand
This product claims to be non-sticky, suitable for indoor play. However, I’ve battled Moon Sand, which similarly promised to leave no mess. Its grains inevitably infiltrate my carpet, hardening over time. Additionally, my kids would likely attempt to use it as a projectile rather than a plaything. No thank you.
Juggle Bubbles
This bubble solution boasts that it creates bubbles impervious to popping—provided you wear special gloves. This means I would have to purchase gloves and solution for each child. If I don’t, chaos would ensue as they pop each other’s bubbles. What if the bubbles land on surfaces other than the gloves? Do they leave behind a nasty residue? My kids need to protect whatever brain cells they have left.
Party in the Tub Light
Bath time is chaotic enough without introducing this product. I’m not turning off the lights in the bathroom, creating a slippery scenario that could lead to accidents. The commercial suggests it transforms bath time into a “Party in the Shower,” but I prefer to maintain a family-friendly environment, not a night club for children.
Hamper Hoops
This clever product aims to encourage kids to toss their clothes into a hamper designed like a basketball hoop. However, it would likely become a catch-all for items they shouldn’t possess and lead to breakage as they try to slam dunk into the hoop. I have no time for the potential injuries that might arise from this.
Tummy Stuffers
These stuffed animals are marketed as a way for kids to tidy their rooms by shoving everything into them. However, this approach undermines the importance of teaching children where items belong. My youngest has a tendency to hide dirty diapers, and I can only imagine the kinds of unsanitary items my boys would stuff into a Tummy Stuffer.
The marketing strategies of “As Seen on TV” products turn children into relentless salespeople, akin to having a persistent salesperson at home. The cunning producers know their ads feed parental frustration, ultimately leading to impulsive purchases. If I ever cave and order something from “As Seen on TV,” I sincerely hope it’s something beneficial, perhaps even a dance lesson DVD!
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In summary, while the allure of “As Seen on TV” products may capture my children’s attention, the reality of adding these items to our home is anything but appealing. I choose to prioritize practicality and cleanliness over the temporary excitement these gadgets might bring.