- Only accept Cheerios for breakfast – preferably without milk on Mondays, Thursdays, and alternate Fridays.
- If your request is not met, exhibit extreme distress.
- Avoid any new food items, always.
- Just because you enjoyed something yesterday doesn’t mean it’s acceptable today; it’s perfectly fine to change your mind without explanation.
- Approach anything that was once alive with caution; orange, seemingly lifeless items are safer.
- While at the grocery store, demand a variety of foods, then either A. claim no knowledge of them upon returning home, or B. allow them to be cooked before declaring you dislike them.
- Spend time memorizing brand names to justify rejecting cheaper options.
- Any food preparation taking longer than 30 seconds is intolerable.
- Request updates every 10 seconds on meal readiness. If delays occur, express your displeasure by pounding your fists on the floor.
- Even if food is served half-frozen due to your impatience, it’s irrelevant since you won’t eat it anyway.
- Prohibit eating on Wednesday afternoons for no particular reason.
- Ensure you have a spoon, knife, and two forks for every meal but then insist on eating with your hands.
- Use only one specific plate and throw a tantrum if it is dirty.
- Aim to push as much of your meal off the side of the table as you can. They claim to spend their life cleaning the kitchen floor; help make that true.
- Sweet potato chips are an affront.
- Steer clear of anything with sauce, as it may contain blended vegetables.
- Refuse to drink water; insist on suffering from dehydration to prove your point.
- Always declare your hunger while in the bath.
- Train yourself to wake up for midnight snacks, particularly bananas.
- Do not trust casseroles, stews, or pies.
- Sweet potato chips are still an insult.
- Kick anyone who refers to broccoli as “little trees” – it’s patronizing and revolting.
- Avocado? No way.
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In summary, navigating the culinary preferences of toddlers can be both a humorous and challenging endeavor. Adhering to their unique set of rules can lead to amusing situations, highlighting the importance of patience and creativity in meal planning.