Parenting involves a multitude of roles, and many women excel in each of them.
When my twins entered the world three years ago, I embraced the title of “mom.” In my opinion, it is the most rewarding title imaginable, and it’s a role that feels permanent. For a long time, my life revolved entirely around my boys. I had friends, but our interactions were limited to online chats or text messages, which I often neglected to respond to.
As a stay-at-home mom, my weeks were filled with Bible studies, church services, and activities like trips to the zoo or the library with my boys. There was never a moment I wasn’t with them. I cherished every moment and found immense joy in being their primary caregiver. However, as I transitioned back to full-time work, the guilt set in, weighing heavily on my heart.
Suddenly, I was away from my boys for 45 hours a week, and the guilt felt overwhelming. I worried that my absence would harm their emotional development, especially since their father was not a consistent presence in their lives. Initially, I felt as though I was abandoning them, leaving them to be cared for by daycare—an unsettling thought.
Compounding the emotional burden was the financial strain of childcare, making the idea of taking time for myself feel like a selfish indulgence. I hesitated to spend money on sitters for a night out or even for simple moments of self-care. Hence, my outings were limited to work and church, and I strived to be fully present with my boys whenever I was home.
However, this approach soon took a toll on my mental health. I began to feel resentful and irritable, impacting my ability to be the mother I aspired to be. As my boys grew and I adapted to the demands of single working motherhood, I recognized the necessity of carving out a personal life outside of being “mom.”
People often advised me to prioritize “me time,” a concept that initially seemed impractical and even unfair. Yet, I learned that it was essential. This realization applies to all parents—whether you stay at home, work part-time, or full-time, and regardless of your marital status.
Parents need time away from their children to recharge. We pour our energy into our kids, but without taking care of ourselves, our well-being suffers. Just as a bank account can become overdrawn without deposits, our emotional reserves can run dry if we neglect ourselves.
The saying “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” rings true. We must invest in our own happiness and well-being. Before we took on the role of parents, we had identities beyond that—friends, hobbies, and lives filled with adult interactions. Rediscovering that part of ourselves is crucial for our overall happiness and, in turn, our parenting.
As much joy as I experience in my daily life with my boys, I’ve discovered that those moments are even more fulfilling when I also take time for myself. Being a mom is an incredible title, but I am also Jenna, and it has taken time to reconnect with that part of me.
My journey into motherhood has been transformative, helping me rediscover my identity amidst the chaos of parenting. While my children are my sanctuary, I’ve learned that I also need personal spaces and activities that fulfill me outside of my responsibilities as a mom.
It’s easy to lose ourselves in parenthood, leading to challenges in relationships and personal identity. Our children need us to be whole and present parents. If we lose ourselves in the process of raising them, can we truly be there for them?
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In conclusion, it’s vital for parents to find a balance between their parental responsibilities and their personal identities. Embracing both roles can lead to a happier, healthier family life.