Twelve years ago, when my first child was a toddler, we hosted a childless couple for dinner. While we chatted in the living room, my delightful almost-3-year-old approached me, rested her elbow on the arm of my chair, and casually stated, “Wanna nurse?” I nearly spit out my drink as I watched our friends’ faces go pale, breaking the stunned silence with laughter. “No, thanks,” I replied, “maybe later.” To my relief, she was satisfied with that answer and skipped away. “Did she just ask what I think she asked?” one friend inquired. Yes, she did.
All three of our children nursed until shortly after age 3. While it was uncommon for our daughter to ask for it at that moment — we had mostly limited nursing to bedtime and morning — we were still in the process of weaning. What our friends witnessed was a part of that journey. Thankfully, they joined in my laughter, although I could imagine that hearing a walking, talking child request to nurse might be quite shocking for those unfamiliar with it.
Given the strong opinions surrounding this topic, I’d like to clarify that there are ten myths often associated with extended breastfeeding that do not apply to my experience:
- To discomfort others.
- To make a statement.
- A personal obsession with breastfeeding or inappropriate behavior.
- Seeking attention.
- A need for my children to depend on me.
- An inflated sense of superiority.
- An inability to say no.
- A fear of my children growing up.
- An aversion to providing solid food.
- A desire for accolades.
These misconceptions are frequently directed at mothers who choose to breastfeed beyond the societal norms, but they do not resonate with my reasons.
Here are ten genuine reasons why we continued nursing through toddlerhood:
- Comfort: Nursing served as a primary source of comfort for my toddlers, just as it had since birth. They sought solace in it during their explorations of independence. It was an effective means of connection and reassurance.
- Nutrition: Breast milk retains its nutritional value as children grow. While it’s essential for toddlers to have a balanced diet, breast milk continues to provide important nutrients. The transition to cow’s milk at one year is not mandatory if both mother and child are comfortable with extended breastfeeding.
- Cost-effective: Breast milk is free. I saw no reason to invest in cow’s milk or alternatives when I had a readily available, nutritious source.
- Convenience: With a nursing toddler, access to milk is immediate and requires no preparation, making it incredibly convenient in daily life.
- Research-backed: Growing up with a mother who was a lactation consultant, I was aware of the benefits of breastfeeding. Extensive research supports extended breastfeeding, and there’s no evidence indicating harm. Anthropologist Katherine Dettwyler suggests the natural weaning age for humans is between 2.5 and 7 years, and further information can be found here.
- Respect for their needs: Our children expressed a desire to continue breastfeeding. Rather than abruptly ending this significant part of their lives, I respected their wishes, leading to a gradual weaning process with minimal trauma.
- Calmness: Nursing provided moments of calm amidst the chaos of toddlerhood, which may have contributed to fewer tantrums.
- Body image: While this was not a primary reason for continuing, nursing helped me maintain my physique, as I lost baby weight and enjoyed a temporary boost in my body image.
- Personal experience: Having been breastfed until 2.5 and my partner until around 4, we both led normal lives without any unusual attachments or issues stemming from our experiences.
- Confidence: Despite societal discomfort surrounding extended breastfeeding, my experiences and knowledge reassured me that continuing this practice was normal and beneficial.
My children, now older, are unaware of their nursing history, and those who do remember it view it positively. Societal discomfort around extended breastfeeding is largely cultural and often unfounded.
I understand that many mothers may choose not to nurse that long, and that is perfectly acceptable. Guidelines from organizations like the American Academy of Pediatrics and the World Health Organization suggest breastfeeding for at least one to two years, respectively, but these are recommendations, not mandates.
Motherhood is challenging enough without adding pressure or judgment to our choices. I hope sharing my reasons for extended nursing brings clarity to those who may find it unusual. If you have questions, I am happy to engage further.
For more insights into the journey of motherhood and family planning, consider exploring this resource or check out the authority on home insemination at Make A Mom.
Summary
The decision to breastfeed toddlers can be supported by various reasons, including comfort, nutrition, convenience, and respect for a child’s needs. While societal norms may dictate a shorter duration for breastfeeding, understanding and respecting individual choices is crucial in the parenting journey.