One of the earliest lessons instilled in me as a child was the importance of saying “please” and “thank you.” Adhering to this principle, I made it a habit to express gratitude frequently. I often find myself concluding emails with a “thank you”—complete with an exclamation point—even when it seems unnecessary.
Since the arrival of my son seven months ago, my expressions of thanks have intensified. I frequently acknowledge my husband for both routine and extraordinary parenting tasks. Whether he’s changing diapers, picking up from daycare, or managing feedings, I strive to convey my appreciation for his involvement, hoping to reinforce the notion that both parents share responsibilities.
While my husband recognizes my contributions, his expressions of gratitude tend to be less frequent. This difference may stem from a societal belief that mothers are simply fulfilling their roles. This outdated perspective suggests that while fathers should be commended for contributing, mothers are merely adhering to their expected duties.
My husband epitomizes what some refer to as a “hands-on” dad, a term I find somewhat irritating. It’s often used to laud fathers for engaging in everyday tasks that, when performed by mothers, go unnoticed. Imagine a scenario at a restaurant where a baby cries. If Dad feeds the child while Mom enjoys her meal, onlookers might exclaim, “What a hands-on dad!” However, had Mom been the one feeding the baby, no such praise would be offered; it would simply be seen as her job.
It’s time to adjust our expectations of fathers. They should actively participate in parenting, not just step in during recreational activities. Fathers must aim to be equal partners, managing responsibilities without the need for constant validation.
Some may argue that an equal partnership is challenging, particularly when biological factors dictate breastfeeding. While this is valid, I faced similar challenges. After my son was born prematurely, I struggled with breastfeeding and supplemented with formula, allowing my husband to take on feeding responsibilities from the start.
Numerous parenting tasks exist beyond feeding, and many mothers may hesitate to delegate, believing fathers won’t perform them as well. However, how will fathers develop their skills if they aren’t given the opportunity? The increasing prevalence of stay-at-home dads is a promising trend, indicating a shift in traditional roles. Both mothers and fathers can thrive in the home environment, and we should advocate for equitable parental leave policies for both genders.
My aspiration is that when my son becomes a father, he will not be praised for simply caring for his child. This expectation should be the norm, not an exception.
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In summary, it’s essential to challenge the notion of thanking fathers for simply participating in parenting tasks. Both parents should be seen as equal contributors, and our societal expectations must evolve to reflect this reality.