In the aftermath of childbirth, I found myself in a familiar predicament that many mothers face—craving moments of tranquility and wishing for my pre-pregnancy jeans to fit once more. However, my most pressing desire was to reclaim the freedom to sneeze or engage in physical activities without the concern of unintended leaks.
Fortuitously, my children were born in France, a country renowned for its idealized standards of motherhood. French women are often depicted as embodying perfection—they maintain their figures, have children who eat a variety of foods, and raise well-mannered kids. As it turns out, I can now add another trait to this list: they also enjoy strong pelvic floor muscles.
Although I wasn’t born with a French vagina, my experience living in France has certainly enriched my understanding of postnatal care. Having given birth to both of my daughters in France, I was familiar with the enthusiastic encouragement from midwives and medical professionals, urging me to “Pousse! Pousse!” during labor. This experience also meant that I received the same exceptional pre- and postnatal care as my French counterparts.
After delivering my children, I participated in the customary six-week checkup, where I, like all French mothers, was prescribed ten sessions with a midwife, known as a sage-femme, to begin my pelvic floor rehabilitation, or rééducation du périnée. Initially, I was unsure what this entailed.
Armed with my prescription and a baguette, I set off for my first appointment, blissfully unaware of what lay ahead. After exchanging pleasantries with the midwife, she presented me with a tool she referred to as a sonde (wand)—which I affectionately dubbed my joystick. The terminology alone sparked my imagination.
Our consultation began with a series of candid and personal inquiries: Do you experience leakage when you sneeze? Can you shower without incident? How is your sexual experience? I often wondered whether she truly needed to know these details or if she was merely curious.
Following our Q&A, I found myself on the examination table, where the midwife conducted a thorough examination, guiding me in various contractions and relaxations while engaging in polite conversation. At first, I was apprehensive, struggling to maintain focus during what felt like an unusually lengthy exam. However, as the sessions progressed, I grew more comfortable, and soon the midwife and I shared a camaraderie that transcended the clinical environment.
As my treatment continued, the wand replaced her fingers. This device, connected to a computer, transformed our sessions into an interactive experience. With each visit, I would engage in pelvic exercises that felt akin to playing a video game. Onscreen, I was represented by a yellow dot, tasked with keeping it within designated boundaries by contracting and relaxing my pelvic muscles. The process also involved receiving gentle electrical stimulation to strengthen my pelvic floor—an experience both unique and surprisingly enjoyable.
Fast forward two years, and I was back for my final session with baby No. 2 observing from the sidelines. As the midwife prepared to increase the intensity of the electrical stimulation, I confidently declared my strength, asserting that I was ready to conquer the “Vagina Olympics.” However, a slight shift on the examination table led to an unexpected and startling reaction that took both of us by surprise, resulting in a memorable moment of shock and laughter.
Motherhood undoubtedly comes with its sacrifices, particularly concerning our bodies. It’s difficult to fathom a father voluntarily subjecting himself to such discomfort. Yet, here I was, willingly engaging in a process designed to restore my body while embracing the humorous and often absurd realities of motherhood.
As I reflect on my journey, I find myself unable to sneeze without thinking of my own mother and silently apologizing for any inconvenience I may have caused her—whether it be for her tissues or her understanding.
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In summary, the journey of motherhood encompasses both physical challenges and unexpected moments of humor, all while navigating the complexities of body recovery. Engaging in pelvic floor rehabilitation may seem daunting, but it can be a rewarding experience that aids in reclaiming one’s body post-childbirth. For more detailed information on pregnancy and home insemination, visit this excellent resource.