Even though my mother was meticulous in her organization and decluttering, there remained a considerable amount of work ahead. When my parents purchased their home 15 years earlier, it was a beautifully designed builder’s model. Sadly, my father passed away shortly after they moved in, leaving my mother to navigate life alone, far from her five children. She adapted remarkably well, forming a supportive circle of friends. Engaging in a book club, traveling, golfing, and visiting her children’s families a couple of times a year became her new normal. During these years, I was busy building my own family and found visiting her increasingly challenging, especially in a home where every room opened onto the swimming pool deck. Consequently, my visits were infrequent.
My siblings and I agreed that selling her house furnished was the best option. I organized the task into three categories: items to donate (which filled the garage), trash (which filled the driveway), and keepsakes for us (which filled five large boxes). Over three grueling 16-hour days, I sorted through her belongings.
This journey was both beautiful and heart-wrenching, and I found solace in the solitude. As I sifted through my parents’ possessions, I reminisced about the art they collected together, allowing myself to mourn the closing of a chapter I never expected to end. I appreciated the framed photos my mother had displayed throughout the home, showcasing moments with my father, my siblings, and our families.
Among the treasures, I discovered a scrapbook filled with our accomplishments, from job promotions to art show invitations. I could envision my mother proudly sharing it with her friends. Yet, I often wished my sister could have joined me; it would have lightened the burden and allowed us to share laughter and tears together.
It was heartbreaking to confront the signs of my mother’s declining mental health. Drawers filled with books on memory loss, workbooks of mental exercises, jars of vitamins aimed at promoting brain health, and notes she left for herself spoke volumes. In hindsight, we should have recognized the signs.
Previously, my brother and I had gifted my mother digital photo frames loaded with family images. They were missing—likely discarded because she couldn’t operate them. I realized that as her world contracted, she was simplifying her surroundings, creating a minimalist space easier to manage. In her kitchen hung a large, framed whiteboard that I had made for her to jot down tasks. The word “Tissues” remained written on it from two visits prior.
As the piles of trash and donations grew, I carefully selected items for our five boxes. These were sentimental belongings I believed my siblings might cherish. I pondered what to do with the family photographs we sent her each year. Should I return them to the senders?
Reflecting on my mother-in-law’s experience after her mother passed, I recalled how she sent me a Tiffany vase we had given to her mother years prior. Although it wasn’t my style, I cherished it, as it reminded me of her kindness. Inspired by this, I decided to do the same with the gifts given to my mother. Since she was quite artistic, I often crafted or purchased unique pieces for her. Some found a place in her home; others vanished without a trace if they didn’t resonate with her.
To my delight, I found a beautiful glass rainbow I had gifted her shortly after my father’s death. I had hoped it would evoke fond memories of him and bring her joy. Perhaps it did, as it remained amidst her belongings. I was overjoyed to bring the rainbow home, carefully placing it in my carry-on bag to ensure its safe arrival. Now, whenever I see it on a shelf, I’m reminded of my mother and it brings a smile to my face.
In summary, the process of sorting through my mother’s belongings was a bittersweet journey of reflection, grief, and ultimately, connection. It allowed me to honor her life while also discovering tokens of love that remind me of our shared memories.
For more insight on home insemination, check out this post on intracervical insemination. If you’re interested in learning about the process, Make a Mom provides valuable information on home insemination kits. Additionally, for a deeper understanding of pregnancy and fertility, visit Johns Hopkins Medicine.