I would have never discovered the incident had it not been for the sound of a small package hitting the pavement as we hurried through the parking lot. It was a pack of chewy candies—something I had not purchased for my child. My intention was to buy a few superhero-themed shirts for a birthday party we were running late to.
“Did you take those?” I asked, abruptly pulling my son’s arm, turning us back towards the store. “You did! What led you to think that was okay? You asked if you could have them, and I said no! Why did you take them?” I felt a rush of panic. “That’s it! No birthday party for you! We are going home!”
“I saw them on the floor and thought I could take them,” he replied, looking confused.
“That’s absolutely not true, and you know it,” I exclaimed, my frustration mounting. “You don’t just take things from a store without paying! If you do this when you’re older, it could have serious consequences. Do you understand?”
But how could he? As we entered the store, I felt a mix of anger and shame, dragging my son and his younger sister behind me. I approached the cashier and admitted, “We accidentally took this.”
The cashier seemed bewildered but accepted the item. Despite my initial intentions, we still ended up at the party. I thought it would be unfair for my daughter to miss out because of her brother’s mistake, so I made him sit in time-out for a while. After the party, I decided he needed to return to the store to confess to the security guard and the manager.
As he stood there, eyes brimming with tears, I noticed how the two young men—both under 30—looked at him with pity. They seemed almost apologetic toward this innocent child, who had simply made a poor choice. I discussed the situation with other parents, both of different backgrounds, who recounted their own childhood mischief. Most believed I handled it well by enforcing consequences and making him return the item.
However, I couldn’t shake the feeling that my reaction stemmed from a deeper fear. In a society where racial disparities persist, my son’s innocent mistake carried heavier implications. A friend’s story about her nephew—a white teenager caught stealing, who faced no repercussions—haunted me. I could only envision my son, years later, facing a store owner, where a petty act could escalate dramatically.
Instead of directing my anger at my son for a typical childhood mistake, my frustration should have been directed at the systemic issues that continue to plague our society. Why, after decades of progress, do parents of color still worry about their children being judged harshly because of their race? Why must we have difficult conversations about the potential dangers their skin color may bring?
Parenting under such a glaring double standard is exhausting and maddening. This experience was just a glimpse into the complexities of raising a child in today’s world.
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In summary, the experience of my child’s mistake was tinted by the realities of race and societal expectations, highlighting the challenges faced by parents of color. It serves as a reminder of the pervasive inequalities that still exist and the heavy burden they often bear.