Menu: Parenting
First Birthday Party Theme: Surprise Celebration!
by Emily Johnson
Sep. 23, 2015
While I am acutely aware that hosting a party for my daughter’s first birthday might not be the wisest choice, I cannot let this significant milestone pass without proper recognition. There will be cake—arguably a health concern at best, and a fire hazard at worst. Expect a plethora of acquaintances eager to hold, hug, or otherwise overwhelm her. And yes, there will be an abundance of alcohol—because, quite frankly, I deserve to celebrate. I mean, she deserves it. Isn’t that what I meant to say?
Through extensive research, I have discovered that the ideal 1st birthday parties are cozy gatherings, ideally at a familiar venue for the little one and timed to avoid disrupting her daily routine. This sounds reasonable enough, but now is not the moment for reason. First birthdays, much like New Year’s Eve, are occasions ripe with optimism and perhaps a touch of delusion. Thus, I kindly choose to disregard all well-meaning advice in favor of throwing an extravagant bash that is likely to be a complete fiasco.
If you, too, are a well-meaning parent captivated by the allure of a grand 1st birthday celebration, you may find value in the meticulous planning I’ve undertaken on your behalf. After all, isn’t the joy of parenting found in pouring hours into organizing an event, only to have your best efforts derailed by the unpredictable whims of your child?
An Invitation to Our Little One’s Surprise 1st Birthday!
- Occasion: Baby’s 1st birthday
- Theme: Surprise celebration!
- Time: Between naps—perhaps from 1 PM to 4 PM, or 3 PM to 6 PM, or even 3:30 PM to 6:30 PM, just to be safe. Any later could interfere with bedtime. Would it be too much trouble for me to call you with a last-minute update?
- Location: To put it gently, I’d prefer not to host at home. Since the arrival of our precious child, our living space has devolved into a state that even the most creative real estate agent would struggle to market. “It has character,” I can hear them say, “and a strong need for Lysol.” More importantly, if the party turns out poorly, I want the option to leave without hassle. Thus, I will likely choose a nearby cafe or restaurant—possibly a bar as well.
Logistics:
I will manage the transportation of the birthday girl to the venue, perhaps under the guise of exploring a new jogging route. She’ll be none the wiser! However, please refrain from shouting “Surprise!” upon our arrival, as this might frighten her and lead to tears—she could even have an unexpected diaper incident (though that’s unrelated).
Guest List:
Everyone is welcome! Feel free to bring your partners, family, and friends. Children will be admitted based on discretion. Ideally, I aim for a 15-to-1 adult-to-child ratio.
After much deliberation, I’ve decided to extend an invitation to my husband’s ex-wife, solely as an additional caregiver for the little ones. I know, I can be quite magnanimous at times.
Gift Suggestions:
Our daughter has developed a unique fondness for wine. It’s true! Her favorite pastime is removing bottles from the wine rack (a talent she clearly inherited from me). She seems to favor bottles of Sauvignon Blanc and dry Riesling—go figure.
Party Games:
The birthday girl delights in playing “Hide-and-Seek with the TV Remote” and “Food on the Floor Scavenger Hunt.” A bonus round of “Bang on the Computer Keyboard” may also occur. The first player to delete an important document wins!
Reminder:
If you speak to our daughter in the weeks leading up to the party, please do not mention the event, as it would spoil the surprise. Also, if I bake a cake or acquire decorations, it may raise suspicions; it’s probably best that someone else handles those details on my behalf.
Final Thoughts:
Keep in mind that our darling child will not remember this occasion. In truth, she may not enjoy it much at all. Ultimately, this celebration serves as an opportunity for her father and me to commend ourselves on our exemplary parenting abilities. One year down, and our little girl has not exhibited signs of emotional dysfunction (with the exception of bed-wetting, unexplained crying, and erratic mood swings, of course). We are doing great!
Thank you, and I hope to see you there!
For further information on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource: NHS on Intrauterine Insemination. Additionally, if you are considering home insemination kits, you may want to explore Cryobaby’s home intracervical insemination syringe kit combo and learn more about our privacy policy here.
Summary:
Planning a surprise birthday celebration for your child can be both exhilarating and chaotic. This article provides a humorous take on organizing a first birthday party, emphasizing the importance of balancing joy with the reality of parenting.