Stay-at-home fathers often encounter a variety of puzzling remarks and questions. While the number of men choosing to take on full-time parenting roles is increasing, societal perceptions still struggle to keep pace. These comments can range from innocent inquiries to outright disrespect. Whether at a playground, grocery store, or a medical office, the opinions come flying in. Although many people, particularly women, commend our contributions, there are still plenty who question our choices.
To assist my fellow dads, I’ve compiled a list of eight things to avoid saying to a stay-at-home father. This list is by no means exhaustive, but it serves as a starting point.
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“Is your wife the one in charge?”
Staying at home doesn’t equate to relinquishing authority within the household. My wife and I view our marriage as a partnership, with both of us equally involved in decision-making. Admittedly, my son and I often find ourselves in our pajamas until midday, leading others to believe my wife is the one in control. If that’s how it appears, I’m perfectly fine with it, considering she literally wears pants in our home. -
“Did you get fired?”
It can be hard to grasp the idea of a man choosing to be a stay-at-home parent. This assumption leads to the misconception that I must have lost my job or been deemed unsuitable for work. Here’s a thought: if you struggle to comprehend a father’s choice to care for his children full-time, you may have a limited perspective on masculinity. Remember, a man’s worth isn’t solely defined by his job status. -
“Are you trying to defy stereotypes?”
I’m not making a statement about gender roles; I’m simply doing what works best for my family. While my wife excels as a mother, my personality aligns better with being at home. I embrace the chaotic yet rewarding life of a stay-at-home dad, navigating daily challenges like nap-time negotiations and toddler tantrums. I don’t expect accolades, but a little acknowledgment wouldn’t hurt. -
“When will you find a real job?”
Have you ever spent a significant amount of time with a toddler? If you had, you’d realize that managing a small child is exhausting work. Parenting young kids is one of the hardest jobs out there, without a paycheck or benefits. Skipping nap time? Brace yourself for a wild ride. -
“Isn’t it strange to let your wife be the primary earner?”
The outdated gender roles of the 1950s have no place in today’s world. If you feel threatened by a woman being the breadwinner, that’s your issue, not mine. True masculinity means prioritizing family needs over ego. -
“Are you just babysitting?”
This question frustrates many stay-at-home dads. You wouldn’t ask a woman the same thing. I am a parent to my child, and that responsibility belongs to all fathers, regardless of their employment status. Babysitting is for teens looking to earn some extra cash, not what I do. -
“Are you Mr. Mom?”
I am not Mr. Mom. That term was amusing two decades ago, but it’s time to move on. I am a father, and I don’t need to adopt a feminine label to validate my role. Please stop using that phrase. -
“You must have plenty of free time to lounge around and watch TV?”
With my toddler, I might catch an hour of television each day. While we do enjoy some adult shows, most of my viewing consists of children’s programming like Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood and Sesame Street. In my child’s first year, my only downtime was during nap time, which I often used to recharge.
Next time someone questions my role as a stay-at-home dad, I might just say, “I retired at 35 after winning the lottery.”
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In summary, stay-at-home dads often face a barrage of unnecessary questions and comments. Understanding their position and respecting their choices can lead to more supportive interactions.