As I approach my 38th birthday, it may seem that I’ve accomplished a great deal. I hold a college degree, am married to a wonderful partner, and I’m a proud parent of four healthy children. I have a stable job, a comfortable home, and a robust social network. Yet, despite these achievements, I often grapple with feelings of inadequacy.
This morning at the gym, I met a vibrant, young woman who exuded fitness and confidence. During an introduction, our coach prompted her to share a story about how she met a notable celebrity. Listening to her, I found myself spiraling into self-doubt, comparing my life to hers and questioning my own journey.
Once, I was just like her—a 20-year-old aspiring actress in Los Angeles, juggling waitressing with acting gigs and background roles in now-defunct television shows. I even crossed paths with a well-known comedian, Jim Carrey, during a break at a coffee shop. But those memories seem distant, and I lack tangible evidence of those fleeting moments; all I have is a narrative. Now, I felt as though I was trying to outshine a young woman while coming across as more desperate than impressive.
The situation felt even more uncomfortable as it highlighted my departure from my acting dreams to settle into a different life in the Midwest. I anticipated her inevitable question: “Do you still act?” I delivered my rehearsed response about relocating for financial stability after marriage and the ensuing responsibilities of parenthood. My current job at a university, while generous in supporting my children’s education, felt disconnected from my aspirations. So no, I don’t act anymore—not unless local commercials count, which I’m aware they don’t.
She smiled politely and gradually distanced herself, perhaps not wishing to acknowledge my perceived shortcomings. As I continued my workout, reflecting on my choices, I began to reevaluate my life’s trajectory. In my youth, I set goals for myself—beyond just earning an Oscar, which I humorously achieved by naming my fourth son Oscar. I aimed for love, financial independence, home ownership, and, yes, meeting Oprah. While I may have been vague in my aspirations, I did reach them, even the Oprah one.
The issue now is that I’ve shifted my focus entirely onto my children’s goals, neglecting my own. This realization led me to understand that without personal goals, I am merely coasting through life. My children are more than capable of carving their paths; it’s time I start carving mine again.
As I approach 40, I need to embrace my potential and stop comparing myself to those half my age. It’s essential to recognize that the journey ahead is filled with opportunities I once couldn’t fathom. Many women over 40 have demonstrated remarkable resilience and growth, revealing that life can be richer and more fulfilling than I ever envisioned.
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In summary, turning 40 does not signify the end of aspirations but rather the beginning of new ones. It’s crucial to reclaim personal goals and to embrace the potential for growth and fulfillment that lies ahead.