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My child has explored various sports, from the expected choices like soccer and swimming to more unique options such as fencing and martial arts. While she displayed a decent level of skill in each activity, none truly ignited her passion. Each new pursuit began with enthusiasm, but soon, coaxing her to attend practices became a challenge. I wrestled with the idea of allowing her to quit—shouldn’t I be teaching her the value of perseverance? Yet, I ultimately decided against pushing her to continue with activities that didn’t bring her joy.
Reflecting on my own childhood experiences, I realized I had quit a multitude of sports, including dance, gymnastics, and basketball. Like my daughter, I found greater fulfillment in academics and reading rather than athletics. Despite my early withdrawals, I turned out to be a well-adjusted adult.
One lesson I did not gain from my sports experiences was an appreciation for physical activity. Concerned that my children might inherit my aversion to fitness, I consistently introduced my daughter to new sports in hopes that one would resonate. About a year and a half ago, at the age of 10, she finally discovered a sport she enjoyed: tennis. Inspired by her enthusiasm, I also decided to take up the game.
Her skills improved rapidly, advancing to higher-level classes and eventually being invited to join a competitive program. I invested time into private lessons and even became an alternate on my club’s doubles team. We bought a caddy filled with tennis balls and practiced serves together, sharing countless enjoyable moments on the court. A local professional tournament last summer captivated her, as she watched elite female players compete just a short distance away.
As her skills flourished, her coach praised her progress. However, when it came to participating in local tournaments, she consistently hesitated. This spring, after some reluctance, she agreed to join our YMCA’s tennis team, but she dreaded the practices and expressed apprehension about competing against others for a higher ranking.
One day, her father asked me if she truly enjoyed tennis. Although she assured me she did, I began to have my doubts. When I inquired about her interest in competing, her response was vague, accompanied by a downward gaze. Around that time, she began experiencing stomachaches before lessons, a pattern that always subsided shortly after practice ended.
I was conflicted. On one hand, the cost of tennis lessons was significant and the schedule complicated. On the other hand, I longed for her to excel in a sport, especially considering her younger brother’s success in gymnastics. Additionally, I cherished the shared interest in tennis.
As the deadline for the fall session approached, I broached the subject once more. When I asked her why she wanted to continue playing, she broke down in tears. Through her sobs, she revealed her desire to quit, feeling guilty about the financial investment I had made and fearing that it would mean all my efforts were in vain.
While I understood her point, I refrained from calculating the expenses I had incurred on lessons, gear, and attire. Instead, I introduced the concept of sunk costs, explaining that we should not continue to invest in something she does not love merely because of past investments. She continued to cry, and I offered her support, expressing pride in her honesty.
That evening, we made the decision to step away from tennis. I felt a mixture of relief and surprise at her choice, framing it to her and her coach as a temporary break. Perhaps she may return to tennis in the future, but I am comfortable with her pursuing activities that she genuinely enjoys.
The challenge of determining when to encourage persistence and when to accept a child’s desire to quit remains a complex issue. My own adherence to the idea of “sticking it out” has led me to stay in unhealthy situations far too long, a lesson I hope to spare my daughter. Conversely, I understand that perseverance is essential in certain circumstances. The adage that “winners never quit and quitters never win” weighs heavily on my mind. Nevertheless, my daughter does not abandon everything; she is a gifted musician who practices diligently and excels in academics and art.
Consequently, I have maintained my requirement for her to engage in some form of physical activity, and she has chosen to explore fencing next.
If anyone is interested in trading a tennis racquet for an épée, let me know!
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In summary, while my daughter’s journey in tennis has come to an end, her exploration of new activities continues. It’s essential to support our children in discovering their passions, even if they diverge from our expectations.