As a child, I cannot pinpoint the exact moment I first felt the pressure to conform to my peers. The sting of being different, whether due to my freckles or what others called my “large ears,” left a significant mark. I was often reminded of my inadequacies, such as when a classmate would jeer, “Someone called you a freckled monkey during recess!” or “Wow, your ears are so big, you look just like Dumbo!”
These comments, although hurtful, are not uncommon childhood experiences. If you’re a parent, you likely understand this struggle, unless you were part of the “in-crowd” who never faced such taunts. And if you were one of the popular kids, I hope you treated the more awkward ones with kindness.
I certainly did not belong to the “cool kids.” I was often teased in elementary school, even helping classmates look for their lost retainers in the sand, hoping to spare them from their parents’ wrath. Fortunately, I eventually found a group of friends who accepted me for who I was, allowing me to grow into a confident young woman. However, I never anticipated facing similar challenges when I had children of my own.
When my daughter, Ava, started school at the age of four, she entered a class of about seven kids, only three of whom were girls. This dynamic created what I refer to as the “girl triangle,” which often leads to complicated social dynamics among young girls.
As the year progressed, Ava started to come home with complaints: “Sara and Emily said my picture was ugly!” or “Emily told me my shoes don’t sparkle like hers!” As any parent would, I tried to soothe her with encouragement, reminding her that every artist has a unique style. Yet, as time passed, the daily challenges became overwhelming.
She began to mimic her friends, declaring that her favorite color was whatever Sara liked, or insisting on buying the same shoes as Emily. It was time for a change. One particularly challenging day, I asked her, “What could help you feel more like yourself? Instead of focusing on what your friends are doing, let’s think about what makes you, you. Should we paint your nails or start a new activity you enjoy, like dance?”
To my surprise, Ava replied, “No. I want to dye my hair.” Although that wasn’t my initial thought, I was too exhausted to argue. I asked her if this would genuinely help her feel more like herself, and she affirmed that incorporating her favorite colors into her hair would boost her confidence.
After discussing this with my partner, we purchased hair bleach and two shades of Manic Panic: vibrant teal and pink. That evening, I reiterated that this change would be permanent, at least for a year or two unless she decided to shave her head. Ava insisted this was what she wanted, so we proceeded. We carefully sectioned her hair, bleached a two-inch section, and then applied the Manic Panic. In no time, she had a bold new hairstyle that she adored.
Was it a drastic move? Certainly. But I noticed a positive shift in her demeanor. Her friends quickly took notice, and I’m sure the school staff did as well. However, I remained unfazed. It’s just hair, after all. Life is fleeting, and hairstyles can change. The boost in her confidence was evident, and as her mother, I recognized that she needed this moment.
Now, three years later, Ava is seven, and while many may have disapproved of our decision, including my own mother who was initially furious, she quickly adapted once she saw how much this change uplifted her granddaughter’s spirits. It granted Ava a sense of individuality and self-expression, showing her that she could embrace her uniqueness.
Over the years, we’ve re-bleached that section of hair and experimented with different colors. Sometimes she opts to keep the blonde streak as is. This has become a part of her identity, and she enjoys it. As parents, we do our best to make choices that benefit our children. While I may not allow her to get a tattoo of her favorite character just yet, we decided that a little hair color was harmless.
In conclusion, parenting is as challenging as childhood itself, but we strive to remind our children of their worth and individuality. Some days are easier than others, but sometimes, a simple act like dyeing hair can make a significant difference.
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Summary
This article discusses the author’s experience with her daughter’s hair dyeing journey, exploring themes of individuality, self-expression, and the challenges of childhood social dynamics. The decision to color her daughter’s hair was a pivotal moment that helped boost Ava’s confidence and allowed her to embrace her uniqueness.