Dear New Parent,
Welcome to the journey of parenthood! Congratulations on your precious little one! Since announcing your pregnancy, you’ve likely been inundated with an array of advice about motherhood. Some of this guidance may be beneficial, some unhelpful, and some downright perplexing. While it’s understandable to nod along and dismiss most of the suggestions you receive, there is one crucial piece of advice I encourage you to embrace in the weeks and months ahead:
It’s perfectly acceptable to simply say “no.”
The upcoming weeks may be a whirlwind for you—this is entirely normal, as your life has changed dramatically in the most beautiful way. Initially, you may feel exhausted and overwhelmed, with your primary focus being your new baby. And that’s completely fine. During these early days, those around you will likely understand. Neighbors will drop off meals, relatives may assist with household chores, and friends will offer to watch your baby while you take a much-needed break. There will be no judgment for the unwashed dishes or the unkempt yard, and no one will expect you to host events or complete tasks. Treasure this time—it’s challenging, but with a supportive network, you should have the opportunity to rest and concentrate on what truly matters.
However, an interesting shift occurs when your baby reaches around a month old. While your infant continues with their predictable eat-sleep-poop routine, those around you may start to perceive time differently. To them, a month seems ample time for you to resume your previous commitments. Yet, reintegrating into your former life can be daunting with a newborn.
For instance, while you may have baked dozens of cookies for your community event last year, this year, even a trip to the grocery store may feel like an insurmountable task. It’s perfectly fine to say “no.”
Similarly, although you organized a bridal shower for a family member last year, the mental fog you experience now makes it challenging to even manage your laundry, let alone plan a gathering for a crowd. It’s okay to decline.
And, while meeting friends for lunch may sound rejuvenating, concerns about germs around your baby or logistical challenges with car seats could make it impractical. It’s acceptable to say “no.”
You have every right to refuse invitations because it’s nap time, you’re feeling fatigued, or simply because you don’t believe you can handle it. You can say “no” if your baby struggles with afternoons or if you wish to savor every moment before returning to work. It’s valid to decline because you prefer to keep your newborn away from large crowds or because you desire a peaceful evening at home with your partner. Whatever your reason, it’s perfectly fine to say “no.”
You can decline politely or assertively, provide explanations, or simply state your refusal. The key is to never agree to something when you really mean “no.”
Motherhood, regardless of your child’s age, presents its challenges, but the demands of caring for a newborn or infant can be particularly intense. Don’t feel guilty about prioritizing your baby, your well-being, and your family. In time, you will find yourself saying “yes” again, and as your children grow, those affirmative responses will outnumber your refusals.
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In summary, remember that it’s completely acceptable to prioritize your needs and your baby’s during this transformative time. Saying “no” is not only permissible but also essential for your well-being.