As a new school year unfolded, the excitement quickly faded in my household. The anticipation of fresh school supplies and neatly pressed uniforms did little to lift the pervasive gloom that settled in after just 13 days of classes. With Thanksgiving still 74 days away, I found myself longing for the carefree days of summer—those mornings filled with leisurely sleep-ins, spontaneous beach outings, and evenings around a fire pit roasting marshmallows. I even missed the sand that seemed to infiltrate every corner of my car.
However, the moment my children hopped into the car after school, any nostalgia vanished. The disputes began—loud and relentless—during our 20-minute drive home. It became abundantly clear that summer wasn’t the idyllic retreat I had envisioned. By week four of vacation, I had desperately reached out to my partner, contemplating selling my own blood to fund a camp, any camp, just to quell the incessant bickering. If arguing over trivial matters were an Olympic event, my children would undoubtedly take home the gold.
Here are 29 of the countless ridiculous issues my kids find themselves embroiled in:
- The appeal of each other’s juice glass
- Debating whether they argue too much
- Who is “out” in games like Gaga or Nerf Wars
- The ownership of a sock left on the floor
- Disagreements based purely on opinion
- Disputes rooted in fact
- Who greeted the neighbor first
- The scheduled arrival time of their grandparents
- The actual arrival time of their grandparents
- Who gave their grandparents a hug first
- The method of emptying the dishwasher (spoiler: neither is proficient)
- The technique for cleaning up after the dog
- Who last fed the dog
- The size comparison of their tortoises
- Who gets the last piece of anything
- Who gets the first piece of anything
- The dinner menu from the previous night
- The order of sunscreen application at the beach
- Whether the latest Maroon 5 song is overplayed
- The faster route to school
- Who initiated any argument
- Who uses the treadmill versus the elliptical in the garage (turn-taking is off the table)
- Who unlocks the car door
- Who opens the front door
- Who neglected to shut the car door
- Who forgot to close the front door
- The debate between Slurpees and McFlurries
- Who welcomed Dad first
- Who welcomed Dad first yesterday
As the days drag on, the prospect of Thanksgiving seems further away. The thought of packing lunches has never been more appealing.
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Summary
This article humorously reflects on the trivial disputes children often engage in, highlighting how even the most absurd arguments can disrupt family harmony. While the longing for summer’s ease is palpable, the reality of daily life and sibling rivalry remains a constant theme in parenting.