Finding my way to marriage was not an effortless path. It took seven years for my partner, Alex, to propose. Nine years later, we walked down a rose petal-strewn aisle and exchanged vows. The years leading up to that moment were anything but simple. After nearly 13 years together, I won’t pretend that our relationship resembled a classic love-at-first-sight narrative—it required time and effort. Behind a man who was uncertain about his desires stood a woman who had a clear vision of her future.
I longed for a marriage, a home, and perhaps a child—maybe even a dog one day. Now, I aspire to create a better life for our toddler, away from the unsavory elements across the street. It may seem simplistic to wish for better circumstances for our child and our lives, but simplicity has never been our strong suit. Our love is intense, and we argue with equal fervor. Every action we take is charged with emotion; passion is never lacking in our relationship.
Many might look at our wedding photos and assume we were always happy. In one picture, I’m sharing a kiss with Alex, dressed in a champagne-colored gown, and it’s easy to think, “They are blissful.” And we were on that day. When the officiant declared us husband and wife, I couldn’t help but shout, “Thank you!” in front of everyone; it was an overwhelming moment of gratitude.
However, what isn’t visible in those joyful pictures is the struggle, the countless moments of frustration and heartache that led us to that church on that sweltering July evening. I won’t mislead anyone into believing that our marriage is a walk in the park. Like motherhood, it demands daily effort.
There have been instances when one of us felt like giving up. We have sat facing each other, expressing feelings of hatred, and we meant every word. One of us has walked away, and sometimes we’ve just let each other go. Yet, there’s one thing we have never done: we’ve never truly separated for more than a day. We’ve never completely walked away.
Through periods of deep resentment, I discovered the ability to love again. I poured myself into another person and ultimately learned to invest in my own well-being. I worked on my health and self-esteem, embracing who I am, and developed a newfound appreciation for myself.
I learned to love myself fully before I could love and marry Alex. He loved me through my struggles, even when I struggled to love myself.
After gaining a significant amount of weight, I questioned, “How could he find me attractive?” I loathed my own body. I was ashamed of the changes I saw, but he looked past the surface and embraced the person within.
He loved me during my lowest moments, like when I battled addiction and made poor choices, or when I returned home in a state of disarray. Yet, he chose to have a family with me. Throughout my various life experiences, he remained steadfast in his love.
His unwavering support has allowed me to become the mother I always aspired to be. People may see our happy photos and the smiles we share on social media, but they’ll never witness the struggles we’ve faced.
Being Alex’s girlfriend, becoming his wife, and now being a mother are all parts of a journey built on hard work and commitment, despite many challenges that could have driven us apart. Today, as we play with our child, snuggling together, I thank fate for our resilience.
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Summary
The journey to marriage is often complex and fraught with challenges. Jamie L. Carter shares her personal experience of love, struggle, and resilience alongside her partner Alex. Their relationship, built on a foundation of hard work and emotional investment, reveals that true love is not always easy but is worth the effort.