My son is 3 years, 2 months, 3 weeks, and 3 days old, and he still hasn’t mastered potty training. In contrast, my first child was completely trained by 2 and a half years, even managing to sleep through the night without any accidents. This clearly illustrates the truth that each child is unique. While I’ve come to accept this, it seems others struggle to do the same.
There’s a prevailing notion that I should be alarmed about my son’s lack of readiness. People often give me disapproving looks, as if their expressions alone can convey their concerns about his hygiene or development. It can feel unnerving, not to mention intrusive. A friend of mine once saw a picture of my son in a diaper before he turned 3 and gasped in judgment. She had one child—a three-month-old—and boldly proclaimed her intent to potty train him by 18 months. I couldn’t help but shoot her a disapproving glare on behalf of all parents who have been subjected to such unsolicited advice.
I’ve been told that my child’s reluctance to use the toilet means he might be overly dependent on me or that he lacks discipline. Some even suggest he won’t be able to start kindergarten unless he is fully potty trained (which gives us a good two years). Others hint at possible developmental issues.
“Are you not worried?” they ask.
My response is a resounding no. My son is thriving! He has met and exceeded all the developmental milestones typical for a 3-year-old. Even if he hadn’t, he would still be my beloved child. He is funny, spirited, intelligent, communicative, and yes, sometimes he uses the toilet, but other times he does not.
We have tried various methods: Pull-Ups, traditional underwear, and even going without. The strategy that seems to yield the best results is allowing him to roam around the house without clothes; he instinctively knows when to go. However, this approach isn’t feasible outside our home. Despite our reminders and encouragement, he still has accidents.
So, what does this indicate? If you really want to know, here it is: he’s simply not ready. I am not inclined to force him into something he isn’t prepared for. I trust that the day will come when he decides he no longer wants to sit in soiled pants. When that day arrives, I will celebrate with joy, performing an embarrassing dance to a favorite song and sharing in the excitement with my husband.
Until that day, I will continue to support him without feeling anxious or ashamed. He is a typical 3-year-old who isn’t yet fully committed to using the potty, and that’s perfectly acceptable. I suspect I’m not alone in this experience—there are many parents with children who are also not ready for this milestone, and I am confident they will be just fine.
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In summary, every child progresses at their own pace, and it’s essential to approach milestones like potty training with patience and understanding. As parents, we should focus on our child’s individual journey without succumbing to societal pressures or judgments.