As advancements in fertility treatments like in vitro fertilization (IVF) gain attention, particularly in popular culture, the question “Why not just adopt?” has become a common refrain. Individuals who have not navigated the complexities of infertility often express this sentiment, seemingly unaware of the emotional and personal implications it carries.
Couples facing infertility frequently encounter unsolicited opinions and advice from well-meaning friends or relatives. During our own journey with infertility, my partner and I encountered this question countless times, as if adoption were a straightforward solution to our struggles.
While adoption is a beautiful and significant path to parenthood for many, it is crucial to refrain from making such comments to those undergoing the challenges of conceiving. Here’s why:
- Privacy Matters: The decisions regarding fertility treatments or adoption are intensely personal. Unless you are directly involved in the process—financially or emotionally—your opinion is unwarranted.
- Diverse Options Exist: Parenthood can be achieved through various methods beyond adoption, such as intrauterine insemination (IUI), IVF, and surrogacy. Many couples may explore multiple avenues before considering adoption, making it vital to recognize that infertility does not equate to an end of options.
- Adoption is Complex: Adoption entails its own set of challenges, including significant financial costs and lengthy processes. The average expense for domestic adoption can range from $20,000 to $40,000, and the wait for placement can average around 14 months or longer. It’s not a simple solution, and many face heartache if an adoption falls through.
- Exploring All Avenues: There is no harm in attempting treatments such as IUI or IVF first. Couples have the right to exhaust medical options before considering other paths to parenthood.
- Grief Doesn’t Disappear: While an adopted child can bring immense joy, they do not erase the emotional scars left by infertility. The journey can leave lasting impressions that remain regardless of the outcome.
- Adoption is Not Just for Infertile Couples: No one suggests adoption to those who are fertile and seeking to expand their family. The desire to experience pregnancy and childbirth is a legitimate aspiration, and choosing fertility treatments is not inherently selfish.
- Personal Choices: Not every couple desires to adopt, and that choice should be respected. Each individual’s journey to parenthood is unique, and their preferences should not be judged.
- Avoiding Misguided Beliefs: Statements like “maybe you’re not meant to have children” are not only unhelpful but also deeply hurtful. Couples facing infertility require compassion and support rather than insensitive remarks.
- Empathy in Understanding: It’s easy to form opinions from the outside, but understanding the intricacies of someone else’s experience requires empathy. Until one has walked the same path, it is unwise to judge.
- Trust in Personal Decisions: Those navigating infertility are working with professionals who can guide them on what is best for their unique situation. It’s essential to trust that they will make informed decisions.
After careful consideration, my partner and I decided to pursue fertility treatments first. This decision was not made lightly and involved detailed discussions with specialists and adoption agencies. Our efforts led to a successful pregnancy, and we celebrated the birth of our daughter.
As we move forward, I still hold aspirations of becoming a foster parent in the future. Every family’s journey is guided by love, and it’s vital to respect each individual’s choices, whether they choose to adopt, pursue treatments, or remain childless. If you find yourself in a similar situation, trust your instincts and remain compassionate towards others navigating these difficult paths.
For more insights on fertility and related topics, consider exploring our blogs at Intracervical Insemination and Make a Mom, both of which provide valuable information for prospective parents. Additionally, the World Health Organization offers excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
The question of why couples facing infertility don’t simply adopt overlooks the complexity of their journey. Adoption is a viable option, but it is not the only path to parenthood. It is essential to respect the personal choices of those navigating infertility and to approach the topic with empathy and understanding. Each individual’s decision should be honored, as these choices are deeply personal and shaped by unique circumstances.