Dear Beloved Alex,
As summer draws to a close, I find myself scrolling through social media, witnessing countless photos of children embarking on their first day of school. Each post from other parents—some filled with joy, others with tears—serves as a poignant reminder of the milestones I am unable to share with you.
Although our time together on this Earth was brief—just 39 hours—I have cherished the role of your mother for nearly six years. I’ve missed out on so many cherished moments: your first smile, your first steps, and the simple joy of hearing you say “I love you.” The word “mom” will never be voiced by you, and now I must confront the reality that you, my dear boy, would be starting this significant journey with your classmates.
Grief has been my constant companion since you left, coexisting alongside the joy your siblings have brought into my life. A daily struggle exists within me: the need to honor your memory while fully embracing the happiness of your brother and sister. At times, the pain is a quiet whisper, barely noticeable as I navigate life. Yet, moments like this bring it to the forefront, making it difficult to breathe.
This milestone feels particularly profound. The start of kindergarten without you signifies more than just a personal loss; it highlights the stark reality that life moves on in your absence. Other children born during your time are preparing for school—your peers, who will never know you. Parents will gather at bus stops, capturing precious moments with their children, and your absence will go unnoticed.
Teachers will take attendance, and your name—Alex—will not appear alongside your classmates. No one at the school will ever know that a remarkable little boy named Alex should have been joining them this year. This realization is painful because I miss you deeply. You were here; you are my child, and you should be participating in the classroom, responding to your name, and allowing your teacher to remember your beautiful spirit.
Oh, dear child, I recall receiving parenting materials and coupons long after you departed. Each one brought a fresh wave of sorrow. I questioned why such reminders existed when I didn’t need them. With time, I’ve come to see that they acknowledged your place in this world, even if you were not physically present. Now, six years later, those external validations are absent. It falls to me, your mother, to ensure the world knows about the brave little boy who would have been setting out to conquer his own adventures this fall.
I love you, sweet Alex. While your classmates begin kindergarten, I hope you and the other children in Heaven embark on a new journey, knowing that you are forever remembered.
With love,
Mommy
This reflection serves not only as a personal tribute but also as a reminder of the resources available for families navigating similar experiences. For further reading, consider visiting this page or exploring Make A Mom for insights into home insemination. Additionally, ASRM provides excellent information regarding pregnancy and family planning.
Summary
The letter is an emotional tribute to a lost child, reflecting on the milestones missed and the grief felt by the mother. Through sharing her experiences, she emphasizes the importance of acknowledging loss while also embracing new beginnings for other children. Resources for home insemination and family planning are also mentioned.