As your children grow more independent, you find yourself with newfound free time, a wealth of skills, and a strong desire to re-enter the workforce. You’ve crafted a professional resume and invested in a new outfit, but deep down, you’re hesitant about returning to the daily grind. Instead, you dream of finishing that novel or enjoying cookies in peace. Yet, if you want to sabotage your chances at a job, simply follow these 19 amusingly misguided interview strategies:
- Assume your interviewer will be a young male, and express your preference for a male supervisor, implying that you’d struggle with a female boss.
- When asked if you need anything at the start of the interview, respond with, “Yes, I’d love an iced mocha, please!”
- Address your interviewer as “Sir” to create an air of uncertainty about your tone.
- Use outdated terms like “typewriter,” “Xerox,” and “film” to date yourself.
- When discussing your strengths and weaknesses, simply say “lasagna” for both.
- Clarify that you’re a PTA mom but are not the one who used Ashley Madison, giving a cheeky wink afterward.
- Present a lengthy list of dates you’ll need off work for your dream of following a music band around the country.
- Attempt to sell pizza kits for your son’s baseball fundraiser during the interview.
- Mention that you don’t speak any foreign languages but can imitate several foreign accents fluently.
- List “hosting a candle party” as experience in outside sales.
- Let them know you’d accept a company vehicle, but only if it’s not a clunker.
- Brag about your “bachelorette’s degree” from a well-regarded university.
- Politely request that vending machines be stocked with gluten-free snacks due to your intolerance.
- Invent job titles like “CEO: Culinary Expert Obsessed” to embellish your resume.
- Agree to a pre-employment drug test, then start nervously biting your nails.
- Drop a pen under the desk and don’t retrieve it. When your interviewer bends down, pop your head under and say, “Fancy meeting you here!”
- Wink at your interviewer frequently, but try not to look too twitchy.
- If dress code is mentioned, burst into tears.
- Agree to the company’s social media policy, then send a friend request from the parking lot.
While employing these strategies may ensure you don’t get hired, if they still offer you a position, simply claim you’re expecting a child to gracefully exit the situation.
For more insights on navigating personal and family dynamics, check out some of our other posts on home insemination kits and related topics, including valuable information from Make a Mom. Additionally, for an excellent resource on pregnancy, visit Genetics and IVF Institute.
In summary, while the prospect of re-entering the workforce can be daunting, recognizing your true desires is crucial. If you find yourself longing for a break rather than a job, it’s essential to prioritize what brings you joy and peace.