Recently, I sent a text to my 21-year-old daughter, Sarah, who is spending her summer interning at her college—a position she diligently pursued. “I’m thrilled for you!” I texted, attempting to convey my excitement in the brief confines of a message. “Why?” she replied, prompting me to ponder the essence of my enthusiasm.
The answer lies in the profound transition she is about to navigate. At 21, Sarah is nearing the conclusion of her college journey, poised to graduate within the year. She is actively planning her future—taking GRE exams next week and evaluating potential graduate schools, cities for relocation, and career opportunities.
From my vantage point at 47, living in a semi-empty nest in the suburbs, this stage of her life appears exhilarating and full of promise. However, I realize it may feel daunting to her. The magnitude of one’s twenties is often underestimated until one reaches their forties. During my own twenties, I did not perceive life as particularly thrilling or adventurous. I graduated college, entered the workforce shortly after, and while fortunate to secure a job in my field, I quickly became dissatisfied and left after a year. It was during that same year that I met my husband and embarked on the journey of family life.
In my twenties, I welcomed two children, purchased a house and a minivan, and transitioned from a full-time job to being a stay-at-home mom. This decade of my life was transformative, yet I failed to acknowledge its significance at the time. I hope for Sarah to recognize the pivotal moments she is experiencing. I want her to understand that she stands at a crucial juncture—one she has crafted herself—that can propel her in various directions. She has the freedom to travel, enter the workforce, or pursue further education in any city she desires.
However, this new chapter also holds challenges. Financial independence from her parents will bring its own set of stresses. She will no longer enjoy the security of college life and will compete for jobs in a crowded field of qualified candidates—sometimes facing rejection. Long work hours, workplace dynamics, and the unpredictability of job stability may all become part of her reality. She will soon discover the burdens of student loans and the necessity of driving an aging vehicle longer than anticipated. Romantic relationships may come with their own ups and downs, as she navigates love and heartbreak before potentially finding the right partner.
She could achieve her goal of homeownership, only to realize that a mortgage comes with unexpected expenses, like furnace replacements or roof repairs at the most inconvenient times. Yet, amidst these challenges, I want her to embrace the exciting possibilities that await her: the prospect of graduate school, new cities, and fulfilling careers. The joys of love, lasting friendships, and the empowerment that comes from making independent decisions will be integral to her journey. Simple pleasures such as Sunday brunches, enjoyable films, and weekend getaways will also enrich her experiences. Recognition from a supervisor for her hard work could lead to professional advancement, reinforcing the value of perseverance.
As I reflect on my own twenties, I wish I had recognized their significance and the enduring impact of each choice I made. Those decisions—the partner I chose, the home we bought, our family dynamic—continue to shape my life today. I want to impart this wisdom to Sarah: Embrace your twenties. Do not fear the unknown. Stay mindful and above all, make the most of this exhilarating phase of life.
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Summary: As Sarah embarks on her twenties, I reflect on my own experiences during that transformative decade. I encourage her to embrace the opportunities and challenges ahead while recognizing the significance of her choices. Life at this stage is filled with promise, and I hope she enjoys every moment.