In recent discussions, some have suggested that divorces should be occasions for celebration rather than sorrow. They argue that the end of a marriage can warrant joy and festivities instead of mourning. I understand the perspective—many individuals find liberation in their divorces, especially when escaping toxic relationships filled with abuse and neglect. In these situations, yes, it makes sense to commemorate the newfound freedom and bravery in leaving.
However, for me, celebrating my divorce is simply not an option. I recognize that I am better off without my ex-partner. The divorce marked the conclusion of being deceived, betrayed, and disregarded to the point where my mental well-being was at risk. Yet, it also signified the shattering of cherished dreams and aspirations. The dissolution of our marriage dismantled plans that had been nurtured over many years, and with that decree, we relinquished promises made to one another and our children.
The Impact on My Children
Speaking of children, this is another pivotal reason I find no reason to celebrate. While divorce can sometimes bring stability to children who have lived in tumultuous environments, for my kids, the experience was far from smooth. During the early stages of our separation, I found myself pleading through tears, expressing my fears about the impact on our children. “This is going to be devastating for the kids,” I whispered. My ex responded nonchalantly, “People get divorced every day. They’ll be fine.”
Eight years later, I can say my children are, in many respects, “fine.” However, it was a long and challenging journey filled with emotional scars that will linger despite healing over time. The impact of tearing apart a family is profound, and it’s unrealistic to think it won’t leave a lasting impression.
I witnessed each of my four children cope with the divorce differently. There were tears, anger, and significant financial struggles that led to losing our family home. Transitioning from being a stay-at-home parent to scrambling for work and childcare was a harsh adjustment. Our cherished traditions vanished, and holidays became a balancing act, oscillating between different households.
There were therapy sessions and academic challenges, with my children facing stigma not just from society but also from political figures who perpetuated stereotypes about divorce. Every struggle seemed to invite judgment, and at one point, I feared for one child’s mental health. While I cannot definitively say the divorce was the cause, it certainly didn’t alleviate their struggles.
Finding Strength in Resilience
My children witnessed my own battles, the mornings I struggled to rise from bed, and the overwhelming grief of watching our family disintegrate. There were times I doubted my ability to move forward, but I did. Today, I celebrate the small victories: the days filled with laughter, watching my children flourish into remarkable young adults, and feeling supported by my incredible friends. I also celebrate the resilience we’ve developed together, which now gives our family a unique strength.
I embrace the fact that I fought valiantly to save my marriage until it became clear that it was futile. I celebrate surviving those daunting “firsts,” some moments achieved with grace and others a struggle. I welcome recognition of how far my children and I have come since those dark days. However, the divorce itself—the painful, suffocating experience that nearly broke me? That remains an event I cannot bring myself to celebrate.
Now, let’s enjoy some martinis.
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In summary, while some may find joy in celebrating their divorce, my experience compels me to reflect on the complexities and emotional toll it has taken on my family and me. The journey has been fraught with challenges, but I choose to celebrate resilience, growth, and the love that continues to flourish amidst change.