Updated: Feb. 19, 2021
Originally Published: Aug. 14, 2015
I developed a knack for moving at the roller rink—not that kind of moving, mind you. I’m referring to the dance known as the Hustle. For those of you who are unfamiliar, the Hustle was a popular dance that involved taking off our skates in the rink and grooving until the referees grew tired of us, forcing us back onto the rink or out the door. The rink referees often had a reputation for being quite strict, with the exception of one named Jake, who was always laid-back.
As a young skater, I felt invincible. We danced to “Jungle Boogie” and glided around to “Wildfire.” If you’re part of a younger generation, you might have been jamming to Snoop Dogg or the Spice Girls—but in my opinion, our tunes were far superior.
Reflecting on those carefree days, I discovered that the joy of youth doesn’t always translate into adulthood. For instance, you might think taking your tween to a skating session would be a delightful outing, an opportunity to impress her and her friends with your moves and finally earn that “cool mom” title.
However, reality hits hard once you’re about to lace up. The skates emit an odor reminiscent of a mix of brine, cheap tortilla chips, and something far less pleasant. Even that is preferable to the actual act of skating. As you prepare to step onto the rink again, your body trembles—not in a graceful way, but in a desperate plea to avoid injury. The rink feels far more perilous than you remember. Where you once glided effortlessly, now, after just one cautious lap, you find yourself gasping, your face flushed and sweat trickling uncomfortably down your back.
You’re not only worried about the infamous skate funk but also the reality that your aspirations of being the cool mom are fading fast. Instead, you find yourself seated in a bright orange booth, munching on stale nachos devoid of jalapeños. Just when you thought things couldn’t get worse, you realize that crumbs are making their way into your top.
Remember the exhilarating thrill of the couples skate? The lights dimmed, boys skated past girls lined up along the wall, and you held your breath, hoping to be chosen. When the most popular boy, Lucas, extended his hand to you, it felt like a moment of triumph. For those brief two songs, you reveled in the joy of skating alongside him.
Fast forward to motherhood: now you question the very dynamics of this ritual. Shouldn’t it be a mutual selection? Shouldn’t we be teaching our daughters that they deserve more than to be chosen? The fear of your daughter standing alone on the sidelines gnaws at you. You dash off to the concession stand for a soft pretzel and an icy blue slushy, trying to distract yourself from these thoughts.
As you watch her skate hand-in-hand with a boy who may not fully appreciate her, a wave of discomfort washes over you. The excitement of sweaty palms is replaced by anxiety as you observe your daughter navigating her first experiences of young romance. You begin to reflect on everything from her outfit choices to your parenting decisions, questioning whether you should have delayed her potty training to sidestep these challenges entirely.
The evenings you spent at the skating rink as a child felt endless, yet as an adult, you find yourself yearning for an exit after just 90 minutes, overwhelmed by the mix of sweat and the incessant play of current Top 40 hits.
On the drive home, as your daughter and her friends chatter away, blissfully unaware of your presence, you find yourself both amused and bewildered by their conversations. You can sense their joy and exhaustion, marking the outing as a success—albeit one that you may not be eager to repeat anytime soon. Besides, your daughter has expressed an interest in attending a hip-hop concert. What better way to reclaim your “cool mom” status than through music, without the need for smelly rental skates? After all, the last time you took her to see a manufactured Disney pop star, it wasn’t too terrible. So how bad could a hip-hop concert be?
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In summary, the return to the roller rink as an adult can evoke a mix of nostalgia and harsh reality. While it serves as a reminder of carefree youth, it also highlights the complexities of parenting in a world where your child’s experiences are rapidly changing.