In my marriage, my husband, Alex, practices Christianity—not a casual observer but someone who immerses himself in biblical study, contemplates the teachings of Jesus, and cherishes his church community. In contrast, I identify as an atheist Jew, raised in a family where religious beliefs were largely absent. My upbringing included gefilte fish, the humor of Mel Brooks, and an underlying sense of cultural identity rather than religious observance. I didn’t celebrate Jewish holidays in a traditional sense, nor did I have a bat mitzvah, though I did attend family Passover gatherings and light a menorah at home.
For many years, I labeled myself as agnostic until I read Penn Jillette’s book God, No! which prompted me to recognize my true stance as an atheist. I entertain the notion of a universe filled with mystery and rhythm, but I do not subscribe to the belief in a deity requiring our worship.
When I fell in love with Alex, I had three fundamental rules, one of which was that my partner should not be religious. Despite my initial reservations, Alex shattered those rules, and I found myself deeply in love with him. We addressed the topic of religion early in our relationship. Alex is open and communicative, and his strong convictions have not clashed with my beliefs, my liberal family background, or my father’s sexual orientation. His parents, who are less strict in their religious views, also embody the essence of kindness associated with Christianity—they engage in community service, show no judgment, and live by example.
When we decided to have children, many warned us about the potential conflicts arising from our differing beliefs. However, contrary to all expectations, we experienced no major disagreements. Our children have not expressed confusion regarding our beliefs, nor have we hidden our views from them. On Sundays, Alex often attends church, sometimes with our children. While I may internally wince at the Sunday school materials they bring home, I accept it. If they choose not to attend, that’s perfectly fine too.
Celebrating Christmas has always been a joy for me; now, with a household of Christians, I can proudly adorn our home with Christmas lights. I embrace being “The Jew Who Loves Christmas.” For Hanukkah, we light the menorah, although without prayers, as I don’t know them. Other Jewish holidays are largely unobserved, especially since the schools now close for most of them.
Our son enjoys discussing Bible stories with Alex and is curious about my beliefs, while our daughter, at seven, shows less interest and sometimes confuses her peers by expressing my views inaccurately.
Remarkably, Alex and I have never argued about religion or its impact on our children. We engage in stimulating discussions about our perspectives, yet we remain understanding and respectful of each other’s beliefs. Although we may never fully comprehend each other’s viewpoints, our bond endures.
Initially, we discovered two surprising commonalities: 1) We both cherished The Chronicles of Narnia as children, unaware that they were deeply rooted in Christian theology; 2) Alex previously thought a strong moral compass could only stem from religion, while I had never encountered someone who could uphold moral values without it.
Alex’s earlier experiences with fundamentalism shaped his current views. He distanced himself from a church that ultimately deemed him “unequally yoked” for being with me. This shared journey has taught us the importance of mutual respect. Alex believes that it is God’s role to guide me, while I recognize that won’t happen. However, I appreciate the strength and joy his faith brings him and would never obstruct that connection.
Our open minds and hearts form the foundation of our partnership, allowing us to address our children’s inquiries openly as they arise. For further insights into family planning and pregnancy, I recommend visiting this excellent resource, and if you’re interested in home insemination, take a look at Cryobaby’s at-home insemination kit.
In summary, the key to thriving in a marriage that encompasses two differing belief systems lies in respect, openness, and the willingness to navigate challenges together.