Dear Alex,
I received a call from your father today, who mentioned that you feel I neglected to teach you how to do laundry. While you might see this as a shortcoming in my parenting, rest assured it was a deliberate choice. For the past 18 years, I have managed your laundry so you could focus on more pressing matters such as academics, networking, and even your ranking on the latest mobile games. However, as you prepare to move into your dorm tomorrow, it’s crucial to learn this essential life skill. Here’s a straightforward guide to get you started:
- Check Labels: Begin by examining the labels on any expensive garments to determine if they require dry cleaning. Set such items aside. On further thought, if they are dry-clean only, it’s best to donate them. We need the funds for your education, and they’re not worth the cost of cleaning.
- Color Sorting: Separate your laundry by color. Dark items like blues, blacks, and purples should be in one pile, while reds, oranges, and pinks go in another. Keep whites in a separate pile. If you mix your reds with whites, you might find yourself with a wardrobe reminiscent of your childhood—entirely pink!
- Washing Process: Now, throw the dark pile into the washing machine. Set the water to cold and adjust the timer to a permanent press cycle or a duration that feels right to you. Pour in a capful of detergent (or less to save money, since you don’t really sweat much). Activate the machine by pulling the knob or pressing a button.
- Post-Wash Sorting: Once the cycle is complete, remove any delicate items to avoid shrinking. Hang-dry these in your room using hooks or your bunk bed, being mindful of your roommates’ space. Speaking of which, sharing a tiny dorm room with two others may be a challenge, so remember to communicate openly and set boundaries about noise and cleanliness.
- Washing Reds: For your red items, repeat steps 3 and 4. If time is limited and machines are scarce, you can combine them with the dark load, but ideally, ensure you have access to enough machines. Remember, you are a paying student; advocate for yourself to secure the classes you need. Avoid enrolling in courses that could extend your graduation unnecessarily, like “Artistic Interpretations of Cheese.”
- Washing Whites: When it comes to whites, adjust the machine to hot water. Follow the previous steps, adding a half-cup of bleach as needed. Keep in mind that your primary objective is to obtain an education, so balance your studies with social activities. Moderation is essential; avoid excessive indulgence in party culture and steer clear of dangerous substances. Stick to safe options and know your limits.
- Drying: For the remaining items that don’t require hang-drying, combine them into one load in the dryer. Set it to medium or low heat to avoid any shrinkage. Hit the start button, and voilà—laundry done!
As a reminder, wash your towels every few days and sheets weekly to maintain cleanliness. Consider investing in dryer sheets for added freshness. Lastly, enjoy your college experience; it’s a unique time in your life that you will reminisce about fondly.
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In summary, mastering laundry is a fundamental skill that will serve you well in college and beyond. Prioritize your education, maintain balance, and don’t hesitate to seek help when needed.
Best,
Dr. Williams