Returning to School: A Comparison of the 1970s and Today

Back to School, 1970s

1. In the last week of August, take your children downtown to shop for school attire at local retailers. Purchase each child a fresh pair of corduroys and a striped tee. Boys may receive dungarees while girls opt for culottes. Firmly decline Jennifer’s request for that orange and red poncho, but offer to crochet a more stylish alternative with extra fringe. Pick up a pack of vibrant, fuzzy yarn for the girls to adorn their hair. Your total expenditure? A modest $43. Afterward, treat the family to grilled cheese sandwiches and chocolate milk at Woolworth’s lunch counter.
2. On the eve of the first school day (mid-September, following Labor Day), load the kids into the rear of the station wagon and rush them to a discount store like K-Mart or Dollar General. Urge them to quickly select a lunchbox, emphasizing the importance of bedtime at eight. Tell Kimberly to make a choice between Holly Hobbie and The Bionic Woman, or else you will choose Pigs in Space. Don’t forget to grab composition books and pencils. Save some grocery bags for textbook covers after the first day.
3. On your way home, purchase a pack of Virginia Slims and smoke a few during the drive.
4. The next morning, brew a cup of Sanka and line up the lunchboxes on your kitchen countertop.
5. Prepare sandwiches by spreading mustard on bread, adding bologna and American cheese, then wrapping the sandwiches in foil or wax paper before placing them in the lunchboxes. Each child receives the same lunch—no exceptions.
6. Alternative sandwich options include: peanut butter and grape jelly, peanut butter and marshmallow fluff, leftover roast beef, or the ever-popular tuna salad.
7. Include some Planter’s Cheese Balls in a baggie.
8. Each lunchbox should also contain a Twinkie.
9. Fill thermoses with Kool-Aid or whole milk.
10. Add a Red Delicious apple, even though it may return home uneaten, which is acceptable since you can keep reusing it.
11. Close the lunchboxes and remind the children to grab their breakfast Pop-Tart on the way out the door, before heading to the bus stop. Then enjoy some Barry Manilow music in celebration of a few hours of peace.

Back to School, Today

1. Take a moment to breathe deeply and recite a positive affirmation. There are still weeks left before school resumes, so take a breath. You can order eco-friendly bento boxes and stainless steel tiffins, ensuring they are ethically produced. With Amazon Prime, you can enjoy two-day shipping while you review customer feedback. Your children are at summer “camp,” which is just a euphemism for school, leaving you exhausted and longing for a restorative yoga class.
2. One week later: your bento boxes and tiffins have arrived, along with the school’s lengthy supply list—three and a half pages long, including a ten-pound bag of flour and various cleaning supplies.
3. Begin searching online for backpacks made from natural materials that are still fashionable. Consider monogramming for a personal touch.
4. Take the kids to the mall for new school clothes, and expect to spend nearly $2,387.07 on credit.
5. Schedule an appointment with a child psychologist to ease the transition into a new grade and classroom.
6. Review the allergy list from the school with utmost care, as sending anything that could trigger a reaction is a serious concern. Make notes on your phone to remember what ingredients to avoid while grocery shopping.
7. Purchase individual school supplies, which differ from the classroom supplies you also need to provide. Expect requests for paper, pens, folders, and even a graphing calculator.
8. Visit Whole Foods for lunch items, which may take over four hours as you meticulously check labels for organic and non-GMO certifications. You may end up with tahini, bananas, and rice cakes, totaling $76.19.
9. The night before school starts, prepare the Bento boxes. Fill them with intricately-cut organic strawberries, nut-free granola, and a sandwich made from vegan hemp bread. Capture a picture for Instagram before your child’s first day.
10. Write an encouraging note with an inspirational quote and add some stickers for good measure.
11. Fill a reusable bottle with filtered water and include a box of coconut water in the Bento Box for hydration.
12. Document the entire experience on your blog, hoping it gains virality.
13. On the first day, wake up at 4 AM to create welcome signs for a memorable photo opportunity.
14. Make alphabet-shaped pancakes for breakfast.
15. Dress the children in coordinated outfits for a 35-minute photo session.
16. Load everyone into the car for the school run.
17. Once they are settled in their classrooms, take a moment to collect yourself and shed a few tears. It’s okay—you’ll return in six hours to pick them up for after-school activities.

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In conclusion, while the back-to-school experience has evolved significantly from the simplicity of the 1970s to the intricate preparations of today, both eras share the common goal of ensuring children are ready for a successful academic year. For more insights on preparing for parenthood, visit this related blog or explore CDC’s resources on pregnancy. If you’re considering your options for home insemination, check out Cryobaby’s home insemination kit for expert guidance.