Thank you for your courage in choosing to stay in a household with a teething infant, a spirited toddler, and two exhausted caregivers. Your presence means a lot to me, and it’s not something I take lightly. Because I value our time together and hope you consider returning, I would like to extend my sincerest apologies for a few aspects of your stay that may have deviated from the typical hotel experience you might find at a local establishment.
I apologize for my toddler’s enthusiastic rendition of “The Wheels on the Bus” at the early hour of 6 a.m. on a Saturday, which may have disrupted your sleep.
I must also apologize for the only yogurt option being a cotton-candy flavored push-up tube. Gourmet dining is not our specialty.
I regret that you were startled during your nighttime bathroom visit by a potty chair insert that plays a Disney princess melody upon contact. I understand that the sound of a swooshing fairy wand can be quite jarring.
Additionally, I’m sorry for the sticker art my toddler enthusiastically created on your skin, including your legs, eyelids, and even your cleavage.
Please forgive the dust in the house; I only managed to vacuum before your arrival, leaving other chores undone. Next time, I promise to aim for a tidier environment, though you should still expect crumbs.
I also apologize for the frequent appearances of a naked little one, as we are currently navigating the waters of potty training.
We had to dine out at 4 p.m. to avoid the judgmental eyes of fellow patrons witnessing my toddler’s ketchup consumption and my baby’s food dropping antics. In future visits, I’ll remember to order takeout instead.
I regret that the baby’s cries may have disturbed your slumber during the night. We practice a “cry it out” approach, which I understand may not be ideal for guests.
Also, I apologize that our adult conversations had to be conducted in hushed tones after the kids were asleep, as I have to consider the lightest of sleepers in the household.
One of you may have had to eat standing up since two of our chairs are currently occupied by a booster seat and a baby seat. I’m sorry for that inconvenience.
Lastly, you might be leaving with a cold, courtesy of what we affectionately refer to as “The Daycare Special,” which my children seem to constantly bring home.
Indeed, life before children is vastly different from life after, but amidst these challenges, I hope you remember that our home is always open to you. While privacy and restful sleep may be limited, there will always be an abundance of love.
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In summary, I appreciate your understanding as we navigate the delightful chaos of family life, and I look forward to welcoming you back, despite the unique circumstances.