You eagerly requested permission to walk to the local ice cream shop with your younger sibling in the quaint beach town where we were vacationing. “I’m 12 now, Mom,” you begged, “almost 13. Please?” After some discussion, your father and I agreed. We wanted you to experience a taste of independence, even if it was just a short stroll away. You were allowed to enjoy an ice cream, dip your toes in the sand briefly, and return home.
You received clear instructions and a designated return time, and you assured us that you understood our expectations. With trust in our hearts, we watched you and your sister walk down the street, reflecting on how quickly our little one was growing up.
However, when the designated time came, you were nowhere to be found. You were late—very late. So tardy that we had to search for you at the beach, where we were met with weak excuses and eye rolls. To make matters worse, there was no sincere apology forthcoming. Somehow, it felt like your lateness was our fault, and when we expressed our disappointment, your response was, “It was only five minutes, ten at most! What’s the big deal?” accompanied by the familiar eye roll.
We discussed trust, responsibility, and the importance of managing time when faced with deadlines or curfews. We touched on how, in the near future, your freedoms would expand, but only after you demonstrated maturity and respect for our rules. Yet, you remained steadfast in your belief that you were in the right. “I really don’t think I’m wrong here,” you declared, reminding me of your stubborn toddler years. You went to bed that night refusing to acknowledge any wrongdoing, just as you had done during your defiant three-year-old tantrums.
The standoff continued into the next morning. You sat at the kitchen table, sullenly staring at your cereal, while I sipped my coffee, questioning how I had raised a child who struggled to apologize. Where had I gone wrong? It suddenly dawned on me: I hadn’t taught you how to genuinely say “I’m sorry”—not in a way that resonates with a tween.
When you were younger, I taught you to parrot the words of apology when you displayed unkind behavior or broke a rule. In those days, time-outs and early bedtimes were the tools of correction. You learned to express contrition through actions rather than words, as that was what toddlers understood. But now, you are not a toddler anymore; we are entering a new phase in your development, filled with the complexities of hormones and independence.
Just like when you were a toddler, I find myself trying to navigate this new terrain. We endured the tantrums and the lessons of your early years, and now it is time to guide you through the challenges of tweenhood. I will teach you the essential skill of apologizing.
I will stand firm and consistently emphasize that sincere apologies are necessary when one has wronged another. You will learn to apologize not merely with irritated utterances but with heartfelt expressions of remorse. My goal is for you to leave our home capable of genuinely mending the hurt caused to others.
You will master the art of saying, “I’m sorry, I was wrong. How can I make it right?” so that you can navigate the real world with empathy and understanding. For now, as you look at me across the table and timidly say you’re sorry, I will accept it. We have much work ahead of us, but for this moment, I will simply respond, “I know,” and prepare for the next challenge.
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In summary, as we navigate the complexities of tweenhood together, it’s crucial to teach the art of a sincere apology. By instilling these values now, we can help ensure that you grow into a compassionate and responsible individual.