Parenthood comes with a multitude of roles, and many women embrace them with grace. When my twins arrived three years ago, I took on the title of “mom.” It’s a title I cherish deeply, but it often feels like it’s my only identity.
In the early days, my world revolved solely around my children. Social interactions dwindled to the digital realm, and I often neglected to reply to messages from friends. My days were filled with playdates and outings to places like the zoo and the library, leaving little room for anything beyond being a mother.
I loved being with my boys—they were everything to me. However, my life took a turn when I returned to full-time work. The weight of mom guilt was overwhelming, akin to wearing a heavy coat that I couldn’t take off. Suddenly, I was away from my boys for 45 hours each week, which made me feel like I was abandoning them. With a mostly absent father, I worried that daycare was not enough to provide the love and nurturing they needed.
On top of the emotional strain, there were financial pressures from childcare costs. I struggled with the idea of paying someone else to give me “me time.” My budget was tight, and the thought of leaving my boys with someone else felt unjust.
I tried to be present for them, both physically and emotionally, but it was exhausting. As a result, I found myself becoming irritable and bitter. I realized that my lack of personal life was affecting my ability to be the mother I wanted to be.
As my sons grew, I learned the importance of having a life beyond motherhood. People often advised, “You need time for yourself,” and while I acknowledged the wisdom in that, it seemed impractical at the time. Yet, I’ve come to understand that this applies to all parents—whether you’re a stay-at-home, working full-time, or managing any combination of responsibilities. Taking time away from our children allows us to be better parents.
We invest so much in our kids, and just like a bank account, if we are always withdrawing without making deposits, we’ll end up depleted. We must remember that before we were parents, we were individuals with our own lives, interests, and social circles.
I’ve found that I’m a more engaged and joyful mom when I take small breaks for myself. “Mom” is an incredible title, but I’m also Alex. It took time to reconnect with the person I was before motherhood, especially after navigating tough relationships and challenging life choices.
Becoming a mom allowed me to rediscover myself, but it also highlighted the need for balance in my life. It’s easy to lose sight of who we are in the whirlwind of parenting, and this can have repercussions on our relationships. Our children need us to maintain our identities, as this ultimately benefits them.
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In summary, it’s essential for parents to carve out time for themselves to avoid losing their identity to the role of motherhood or fatherhood. This balance not only enriches your life but also enhances your ability to connect with your children.