With the holiday rush now behind us, the new year has arrived, and the remnants of gift-giving—like wrapping paper and credit card bills—are tucked away, whether we like it or not. I’ve finally taken a moment to reflect on the art of gifting—not just what presents to give or how much to spend, but rather the all-important question of when and how to withdraw those gifts. Let’s call this Parental Gift Etiquette.
Regardless of the occasion—birthdays, graduations, bar mitzvahs, or any event that involves presents—kids will inevitably launch into a campaign for the latest, must-have toy or gadget. The moment they voice their desires to us, we often resort to threats about withholding their coveted gifts if they misbehave. For instance, I might say, “Talk to me like that one more time, and you can kiss that new game console goodbye.” Yet, we all know that most kids will eventually receive their desired gifts unless we’re particularly harsh parents (think of the likes of Ken and Karen from reality TV).
Fast forward a week—or, let’s be honest, sometimes just a few minutes—after the big reveal, and we find ourselves in a familiar scenario: the very gifts we just presented are now being threatened with confiscation. “I told you not to speak to me that way, so hand over that game console.”
It seems to me that this entire cycle could use some simplification. Here’s my suggestion: what if we sit down with the kids and let them choose their favorite gifts, recognize their inevitable misbehavior, and then simply agree not to give them anything at all? Imagine this: they select a gift, admit they can’t always behave, and we skip the whole giving process entirely. It’s a sort of pre-punishment that saves parents both time and money, not to mention the inevitable meltdowns that come with taking something away. Instead of regifting, let’s call it PRE-gifting. We resolve the issue before it even begins!
Then, when birthdays or holidays roll around, we can just refer back to our pre-gifting arrangement, where we all agreed that toys weren’t necessary because we know that the kids will ultimately misbehave. “I warned you not to talk back… let’s just check our pre-gifting agreement.”
“We, the undersigned children, acknowledge that maintaining good behavior is a challenge, which is why we agree to select gifts but not actually claim them. This way, any tantrum or outburst is ultimately pointless, since we never actually received anything to begin with.”
Now, isn’t that simple?
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In summary, it’s time to rethink our approach to gift-giving. By establishing a pre-gifting contract with our children, we can alleviate the pressure of gift-related expectations and create a more harmonious atmosphere at home.
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