The cinema has been a cherished retreat for many, offering an escape into different worlds, complete with the enticing scent of popcorn, the thrill of trailers, and the promise of adventure—all from the comfort of one’s seat. Over the years, my family has found solace in the darkened theater, particularly on gloomy summer afternoons or chilly winter nights. However, this experience often turns sour due to the disruptive individuals that frequent the cinema.
Upon entering the theater, I am typically struck with disbelief at the cost of admission—$40 for three tickets. If I’m still grappling with denial, my trip to the concession stand quickly shatters it; another $40 spent, all in the name of family bonding. But as we settle in for our cinematic journey, the disruptions begin.
- The “I’m saving this entire row” individual. This person insists that you cannot sit anywhere near them, claiming that their numerous friends will arrive shortly. So, my family is left to occupy the front row while they wait for their friends to stroll in 15 minutes late?
- The “I’m alone, so I’ll sit right next to this family” individual. In a row filled with empty seats, they choose the one directly beside my child. Such behavior raises immediate concerns, prompting us to relocate while consulting the sex offender registry on our phones.
- The “waits until the movie starts to unpack her homemade tuna sandwich” individual. She always chooses a seat two away from me.
- The “loud, crackling candy unwrapping” individual. He tends to sit with the Tuna Sandwich Lady and creates a distracting noise throughout the film.
- The “Persephone” mom. This individual has a child with an excessively long name and repeatedly calls it out while the child runs freely. “Persephone, stop running!” is a common refrain. Perhaps it’s time to reconsider bringing this child to the cinema.
- The “loud family.” It’s unclear if they’re hard of hearing or simply ignorant of basic theater etiquette, but they enter the theater chatting loudly, only to quiet down once the movie begins.
- The “kid who rocks the chair violently” individual. This child consistently sits in front of me at every screening.
- The “seat-kicking” child. This individual, who sits behind me, seems to take pleasure in relentlessly kicking my chair.
- The “couple making out in the back row” during a G-rated movie. This behavior is reminiscent of high school days and is best kept at home.
- The “summer camp field trip” group. Did I really just spend $80 to be surrounded by a rowdy group of 11-year-old boys, led by two inexperienced college students?
- The “snoring” individual. This person falls asleep the moment the lights dim, contributing a symphony of snores throughout the film.
- The “theater employee wandering the aisles” individual. What exactly is this person doing? Are they looking for bootleggers, counting empty seats, or contemplating an intervention for the Snoring Guy? Their presence is perplexing and distracting.
As the credits roll, I gather my half-eaten popcorn and the remnants of my soda, reflecting on how many movies I could have rented or how many months of a streaming service I could have afforded with the amount spent surrounded by such individuals. All of this, and yet, I still find joy in the films—especially when they feature actors like Mark Thompson.
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In summary, while the cinema can be a delightful escape, the presence of disruptive individuals can significantly detract from the experience. Navigating these challenges is part of the adventure, but they often leave us longing for a quieter movie night at home.