It’s a Wednesday evening, and I’m preparing to head out for dinner with a friend. No babysitter was called, and I’m not contending with sticky hands or scattered toys. In fact, getting ready to go out is remarkably simple when I’m not also managing a 4-year-old who is upset because I handed her a pink plate instead of her desired blue one.
My friend asks, “Don’t you feel selfish for enjoying your time away?”
To put it plainly, no, I absolutely do not.
This is my life as a weekend mom — and I own it. I can get ready effortlessly, return home whenever I like, and even plan a spontaneous trip to Los Angeles with just a few days’ notice.
Before I became one, I had never encountered the term “weekend mom.” It refers to mothers who have visitation rather than full custody. When my daughter’s father and I decided she would live with him and visit me, I faced backlash from all sides.
“But you were such a good mom. What happened?”
“It’s sad that you can’t handle your child.”
“Oh, did substances get the better of you?”
“Not everyone is suited to be a mom.”
And my personal favorite: “I wish I could be that selfish. I love my kids too much to do that.”
First off, I would like to say “thank you for your concern,” but it’s important to understand that these comments stem from a societal expectation that mothers must be flawless.
Here’s the truth: letting my daughter go was both the most challenging and the best decision for her future.
My ex-husband and I made this choice for several reasons. Some were centered on our daughter’s well-being — including access to a better school, more sports opportunities, and growing up with her sister. Other reasons were personal; I sought to transition from corporate work to self-employment, gain financial flexibility, and carve out time to focus on my own development.
Selfish? Bad mom? Those are the assumptions I envision swirling in the minds of those who judge my parenting choices.
The most harmful stigma about being a weekend mom is the notion that it makes one less loving or present. I am no less of a mother because I don’t see my daughter daily. In fact, our arrangement allows me to be a more engaged mom during our visits, as I can provide her with my undivided attention when we are together.
Arriving at this decision was incredibly difficult, and it was not taken lightly. While I sometimes feel a pang of heartache from missing her, I refuse to wallow in guilt. Yes, I have less time with my mom friends, but there’s joy in knowing how happy she is and in enjoying some personal freedom — something I lacked during the four years (and pregnancy) I was her primary caregiver.
The cultural taboo surrounding weekend motherhood serves no purpose other than to reinforce the stereotype that non-full-time mothers are inadequate and that fathers can only take the lead role if the mother has failed.
The best way to combat this stigma is to confront it directly. I do not feel guilty for enjoying moments without my daughter, though I do miss her every day. I have no regrets about my decision, but I continuously worry about her well-being. I am a devoted mother who loves her deeply. You are also a good mom, and I recognize your love for your child. While you may believe you could never make the choices I have, you never truly know until you find yourself in a similar situation.
So, while I acknowledge the judgment, I also extend my understanding.
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In summary, being a weekend mom presents its unique challenges and societal judgments, but it also affords opportunities for personal growth, increased engagement during visitation, and the chance to prioritize one’s own well-being alongside parenting responsibilities.