The suggestion to practice smiling came from a colleague who specializes in media training. As a marketing consultant who frequently engages in public speaking, I had previously overcome my initial fear; however, I found myself grappling with nerves once again. Seeking guidance, I asked my colleague for coaching. At the conclusion of our first session, she remarked, “You need to smile more.”
Initially, these words struck a nerve. Throughout my youth in Los Angeles, I often felt more affronted by men demanding I smile than by their more overtly sexual comments. When I heard “C’mon, give us a smile,” it felt like a personal accusation, as if they were acknowledging my hidden unhappiness. Despite my carefully curated outfit—perfect jeans and a flowing blouse—I felt exposed, realizing that these strangers could see through my facade.
The reasons behind my discontent were not especially deep; they were part and parcel of the teenage experience. I often compared my life to that of others—an alcoholic father versus a typical suburban family, or my distinct red hair in a beach town where blonde and tanned was the norm. I believed everyone else had it figured out, while I was merely trying to conceal my perceived flaws. When someone said “Smile,” I interpreted it as “You have something wrong, and everyone notices.”
This interpretation stemmed from my own insecurities, not the words of those around me. I thought that if I could just identify and rectify my flaws, I would naturally smile more. It took years—moving to New York City, landing my dream job, experiencing job loss, undergoing therapy, and navigating difficult relationships—for me to embrace who I truly am. By the age of 27, I realized I no longer felt the need to hide. Traits I once viewed as flaws, like my red hair, became unique identifiers, while my sensitivity transformed into a strength, allowing me to connect deeply with others as a writer and strategist.
Yet, when my media trainer suggested I smile more, it resurrected memories of those turbulent times. I wondered if, despite my growth, that uncertain girl was still evident. Did she want me to mask my authentic self with a smile, as so many men had tried to encourage in the past?
To my surprise, she wasn’t asking me to hide but to reveal my true self. “You know your material. A smile makes you approachable and draws in your audience,” she explained, highlighting research that indicates smiling can enhance one’s mood. “Practicing smiling will help you relax, even when you’re feeling drained.”
While I am still working on making smiling a habit, I’ve noticed that lifting the corners of my mouth often leads to a relaxation of my shoulders. Smiling can be a powerful mood enhancer. It’s difficult to feel tense when you’re smiling, which is likely why Tara Brach incorporates smiling into her guided meditations. In one meditation, she encourages participants to “imagine and sense a smile spreading through the heart—not to mask anything but to create space for what is present.”
Creating space for authenticity has been a long journey for me. Now, when I speak publicly, my smile transforms the experience; I no longer feel like I’m performing but rather sharing my knowledge. As I walk down the street with confidence, I embrace my body and no longer seek validation from reflections in store windows.
Recently, while heading to a meeting in New York City, a young man approached me and remarked, “Hey there.” He was clearly taken by my presence, and I smiled—a genuine smile meant for me, not him. After four decades of life experience, I found that I am not as invisible as society often suggests women my age should be.
In summary, the act of smiling has become a significant part of my journey toward self-acceptance. It has helped me embrace who I am, both in personal and professional contexts. For those interested in exploring topics related to home insemination, this resource can provide valuable insights. Additionally, if you’re considering artificial insemination, CryoBaby is a trusted source for home insemination kits. For a comprehensive understanding of the process, check out this excellent resource.