As I approached my birthday, I found it to be an apt representation of my current state of life. Turning 40 has become a significant milestone, reflecting the complexities of my everyday experiences as a parent and an individual.
A few weeks prior to my birthday, I posted a picture on Instagram showcasing my reading materials, which included titles like “Reviving Ophelia” and “Can’t We Talk about Something More Pleasant?” A friend humorously noted that these selections indicated I was in the “panini years”—a clever metaphor for feeling compressed between generations. Indeed, these years are both demanding and fulfilling, overflowing with responsibilities, love, and the inevitable chaos of life.
While the journey has its challenges—work pressures, health concerns, and a myriad of logistics—it is undeniably wonderful. I must admit that I felt some trepidation about turning 40. This apprehension stemmed from both vain and genuine health considerations, but primarily from a discomfort with the unyielding passage of time. Yet now, on this side of the milestone, I am grateful for the depth of emotions and experiences that life has offered me.
At 40, I find myself immersed in a world filled with contradictions. It’s a time of recognizing the beauty of fleeting moments while being acutely aware of their transience. I oscillate between the nostalgic tunes of John Denver and the upbeat anthems of Katy Perry, recalling significant memories tied to both Cat Stevens and Taylor Swift. My life now involves overseeing homework, driving to sports practices, and understanding the wisdom in casual conversations that often happen in the car with my children.
Many of the pressing questions that occupied my younger years have been settled, allowing me to embrace the reality that these answers have crafted who I am today. I cherish the simple moments, like when my kids still ask for goodnight hugs. I’ve learned to say yes to those requests to share my bed when my partner is away, understanding that these moments may soon diminish.
At this stage, I receive far more emails about serious health issues than joyful baby announcements. I’ve come to terms with the fact that hockey practice occupies my Friday evenings, leaving little room for adult plans. I find joy in spending time with the parents of my kids’ teammates, cultivating friendships that matter deeply.
Friendship among women has become vital; I’ve learned the importance of nurturing these relationships, remembering significant dates, and offering support. At 40, I am aware that life is continually progressing, and I am at a pivotal point where I witness the aging of those ahead of me, while also celebrating the growth of the younger generation.
As I glance at my hands, I see my mother’s, and I realize my daughter is rapidly approaching her own milestones, like college. I accept that the reflection in the mirror shows a middle-aged woman, and I acknowledge that our family has more years behind us living together than ahead. Parenting, I believe, only grows richer, yet I recognize that this chapter will eventually conclude.
I’ve also missed the chance to embrace trends like red lipstick, having thought it too sophisticated for my younger self. Now, it feels too late. I often try on dresses only to find them too short, but I still wear a bikini, albeit for a limited time.
Currently, I’m learning to adapt to physical challenges, such as a persistent hip issue and abdominal pain, while still striving to maintain an active lifestyle. I refuse to allow these difficulties to hinder my enjoyment of life.
Interestingly, this year’s birthday was filled with chores and errands, culminating in a candlelit family dinner—which turned out to be precisely what I desired. This realization has imbued me with a new appreciation for the ordinary moments.
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Summary
Turning 40 has illuminated the contradictions of life, highlighting the beauty and challenges of parenting and personal growth. This stage is marked by a deeper appreciation for relationships, the fleeting nature of time, and the realities of aging. As I navigate this decade, I embrace the ordinary moments and cherish the connections that enrich my life.