This morning, before my partner, Jack, headed off to work, he wrapped his arms around me in a warm embrace. I leaned into him, feeling drained despite the early hour, and expressed my longing for him to be home more often.
I strive to refrain from complaining about his demanding work schedule or making sarcastic remarks about his frequent absences, as it only exacerbates an already challenging situation. Venturing down that path leads to feelings of self-pity and resentment, which benefit no one. Jack doesn’t want to toil away for 60 to 70 hours each week; he’s simply doing what’s necessary for our family, just as I am. Yet, that doesn’t make it any easier. It doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes want to shout, “PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THESE KIDS!” every morning over my coffee.
I often feel exhausted, inadequate, and unprepared. My creativity for meals and discipline runs dry, and I find myself losing my patience. I worry that I am not the mother my children need and deserve. Living on a tight budget means we can’t afford childcare or even basic necessities at times. We simply keep moving forward.
There are moments I wish I had pursued a more lucrative career instead of studying Communications. Sometimes I wish Jack came from wealth. But the reality is, we met while working at a grocery store, and we had no grand plans for the future—our love blossomed unexpectedly.
Some claim marriage relies on luck. I’m uncertain about what brought us together, but this morning, I didn’t want Jack to leave. Some days, like today, everything feels like a battle. I need support.
The remainder of my morning was spent feeling overwhelmed by my children’s demands. I counted the hours until bedtime, reassuring myself that I could manage today and the days to come. Then came nap time—a much-needed respite.
As I laid my younger two down, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror and noted that I could use a shower. I went to my oldest’s room and tucked him in with his Kindle. He mumbled something that I didn’t quite catch, so I asked him to repeat it.
With a serious expression, he said, “You make me have a good life.”
Tears welled in my eyes. “YOU make ME have a good life,” I replied. Because he truly does.
My husband and my children are my very essence. I don’t merely exist; they give my life meaning. Even though my days may feel long and isolating, that moment reminded me that the love and effort I invest in my family are impactful. It creates a fulfilling life for them.
So, perhaps today isn’t as unbearable as I first thought.
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Summary:
This reflective piece captures the struggles of parenting amid a demanding work schedule. It emphasizes the emotional challenges and the feelings of inadequacy that many parents experience. However, it also highlights the profound impact that love and family can have, reminding us that the effort put into nurturing our loved ones is never in vain.